The Hour of Separation
by D. M. Evans
Summary: Riza's life takes an unexpected turn and Roy's past catches up to him.
1. Chapter 1

The Hour of Separation

Shades of Grey Series #6 - Shade Mist

D M Evans

Disclaimer - not mine, all characters belong to Hiromu Arakawa et al, Square Enix and funimition.

Pairing - Roy/Riza, Ed/Winry, Maes/Gracia

Time Line - This has elements of the anime up to about #25 and definite spoilers for the manga past #38 and beyond. More manga-based than not. However, the main arc of the series came before all the Roy and Riza history was published and so this can be considered majorly AU as far as that is concerned.

Rating - FRM

Summary - Riza's life takes an unexpected turn and Roy's past catches up with him.

Warning - dark themes, later chapters contain mention of torture and rape.

Author's Note - This series was started long before the lovely Ishbal arc so it's AU for the Mustang and Hawkeye history and there is no real way around that I'm afraid. Also, the Ravensdales are original characters that have small recurring roles in the series.

Series can be found on FFN

#1 Roots of Violence

#2 Ashes and Bone

#3 Why They Call It Falling

#4 - Point of Fracture

#5 With Silence

_And ever has it been known that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation._

_Kahlil Gibran_

Chapter One

Riza wiped her mouth, hoping no one else was in the ladies' lavatory to hear her getting sick. She hated being ill and she was getting tired of this, three days in a row now. She flushed then went to wash her mouth out. She checked her uniform to be sure there were no spots on it.

Satisfied, she went back to the office. Fuery blinked at her from behind his big glasses. "You okay, ma'am?"

"I must have a bug," Riza said, sitting down at her desk. Her eyes strayed to Havoc's still-empty desk. She missed the incorrigible flirt. Riza was surprised that Mustang had been able to convince Jean to not go back East with his parents. She suspected Mustang's promise of trying to find an alchemist skilled in healing so Havoc could rejoin the team was the selling point, even if no one was sure such an alchemist could be found or that they could help someone in the military, given current attitudes. Even if they found one who was willing there was no guarantee the alchemy would work. Havoc was currently living with the Ravensdales who had moved to town the month before.

Having the old, blind alchemist around, the one who had first taught Roy the skills, had really lifted Roy's spirits. With his injuries at the hands of Lust - and how ironic was that - Roy had been down on himself. Jenna, recently widowed, had come into Central with her father and her young daughter. Riza liked having them around even if she didn't interact much with the Ravensdales herself. They not only bolstered Roy, but Jenna and Gracia Hughes seemed to be sharing their widowhood and their daughters. As a result, Roy seemed less worried about Mrs. Hughes now and Riza was all for anything that took some water out of the buckets of guilt Roy carried.

That was just as well because Edward and Alphonse seemed to be up to something that was making Roy snatch his hair out. They had been running all over town performing little acts of alchemy, very publically. _What an idiotic thing to do with Scar back in the picture_, she mentally grumbled. And Riza had seen the hotel charges Ed submitted. Fuery, Falman and Breda had been drawing straws to see who had to give the bill to Roy as part of the monthly report on Fullmetal's activities. She nearly fainted. Hell, Fullmetal had been with Armstrong and Breda in the desert most of the time covered by the bill. Who had he been putting up at that hotel? She probably didn't want to know. All Riza did know was in the future, she'd do her best to get assigned the Alphonse-watching detail, leaving Edward to one of the boys. She already had one arrogant brat to keep control of. She didn't need the younger version of Mustang. Alphonse was pleasant to be around and didn't appear to run up bizarre bills though she couldn't swear to it since he wasn't on the military's payroll.

Riza put a hand to her stomach, feeling it flip again. She couldn't possible have anything left inside her to throw up, could she? It didn't help she was so damn tired, too, and had been for a week, going on two.

"You look feverish," Fuery fretted.

Riza nodded. "I am." She uncharacteristically didn't want to be at work. She wanted to go home and lie down, put a cold compress on her head and take her bra off. Her nipples hurt a lot just like before her period but it wasn't time for that nuisance. She had been tired and sore for long enough that she had gone to her off-based doctor, Doctor Crosier, an older woman whom she trusted more than she did military doctors. She had called Crosier's office in the morning to let the doctor know that this bug had her throwing up now in addition to the fatigue.

"Maybe you should go home," Fuery said, going to fetch her a cup of coffee even though she hadn't asked for it. He needed to be useful she supposed.

"I wouldn't suggest that." Falman looked up from his paperwork. "Mustang is on the warpath."

Riza's lips thinned. She didn't need that additional headache "Why?"

Breda took a sip of coffee then replied, "Don't know. He got an early phone call then exploded afterwards."

Before Riza could investigate further - and she wanted to because Roy usually tried to keep control of himself in front of his men - the door to Mustang's office slammed opened and Roy stormed out. "I'm going to inspect the city." He paused, facing them. Mustang's eyes flashed black fire. "I think I'll start with Kendall Fountain."

Roy stomped off. Those words were code for them to slowly find their own excuses to filter into town and meet him there. He was paranoid about being bugged, justifiably so. The fountain was public and there were always soldiers about in the day so no one in Central noticed them. Her companions were right. Roy was obviously furious about something.

Riza got up, thinking she might was well be the first to leave. As she stood, the room spun. Riza clutched at the desk and felt a hand on her back. Falman was there, supporting her. "Thanks, Bota."

"Are you all right?" His face was flooded with concern. "You're dead white."

Riza rubbed a hand over her face, grimacing at the sudden metallic taste in her mouth, "Just stood up too fast, I guess, and got light headed."

"I think that bug is really wearing you out, ma'am," Fuery said, his eyes sweeping over her. She could see the concern in his face. He was such a sweet kid.

She nodded. "I guess I should talk to the colonel about going home early." Riza didn't wait for them to say anything. She left, hoping the outside air would revive her a bit. She hoped Dr. Crosier had an answer for her soon or she would just have to bite the bullet and ask Roy for time off but she didn't want to do that if he was in a rage. He didn't get that way lightly and he might need her help.

Riza didn't look for Mustang when she got to the fountain. She felt like she had run from Central to Liore in five minutes. She sat on a bench near the fountain just so she could catch her breath. She wanted to be home, feet tucked up on the couch, listening to the radio with Hayate sneaking his nose under her book just for attention. Well, at least he was less attention-needy than the other male in her life. She never got much reading done if _he_ was over but she wanted him there to tuck her in and bring her tea.

"Problem, Hawkeye?" Mustang's voice sounded in her ear and she startled to her feet.

She struggled against the faint feeling again. "No sir, why?"

Roy cocked his head at her. "You looked lost in thought."

_And your other subordinates noticed I'm ill but not you, brat. _"No, sir, just..." Riza didn't finish that thought as Breda arrived. Fuery and Falman joined them in short order. They all fell into step with Mustang as they made a circuit around the fountain square.

"I've received notification that the Crimson Alchemist may be on his way back to Central trying to kill several people. He may be working for a traitor within the military itself," Roy said without preamble.

"Kimblee?" Hawkeye's eyes widened. "I know the Elrics discovered he hadn't been put to death like he was supposed to be but he disappeared after things went bad at Lab Five."

"Who's the Crimson Alchemist, sir?" Fuery asked, nervousness creeping into his face even though he didn't know why.

"His speciality is transmuting the raw materials in a human body to make a bomb and he takes great delight in it," Roy said grimly and Fuery looked about as faint as Riza felt.

Riza saw the looks passing between Breda and Falman, the looks that said, 'alchemists are freaks.' Neither men said anything, however.

"Who in the military would work with such a man?" Falman asked.

Roy shook his head. "I don't know but...Crimson is not without favor among some of the generals. He is a powerful alchemist. Some would be willing to overlook his sadism for that reason. I've heard whispers that some of them think he was sentenced too harshly and are looking to pardon him entirely."

"Why would they do that if he killed so many people?" Anger flickered across Breda's broad face at the mere thought.

Mustang's face lost all color, his eyes dimming. "Because they say it was for our cause in Ishbal. Keep in mind Major Armstrong and I could level a city block in a matter of a minute or two and we did, time and again. I probably killed as many as Crimson did maybe more...only I didn't enjoy it."

"And that makes all the difference, not to mention you didn't kill your own men like Kimblee," Riza said softly, seeing a love fest with the whiskey bottle in Roy's future. She knew that look, the tone of voice, the self-hatred. He'd be useless to help make her feel better tonight. She'd be lucky if he wasn't calling her to come get him out of a gutter.

"What do you need us to do?" Falman asked, all business as usual.

"Armstrong is drawing up a sketch of Crimson. We can't circulate it to the troops since officially the military is taking no stance on this, but I want you all to see it. I'll be honest, one of the people he's threatened is a friend of mine and I mean to see he's protected. There is also a chance he might strike at Brigadier General Hughes' wife, though I'm not sure why yet. That's what my source said," Mustang said, his eyes mere slits. Rage danced over his face.

"Understood. We'll keep an eye on her, sir," Breda said, grim determination in his eyes.

Mustang inclined his head. "Thank you. And under no circumstance do you approach the Crimson Alchemist if you see him. He can kill with a touch," he warned. "You see him contact either myself or Major Armstrong and we'll deal with him." Mustang dismissed them.

Fuery looked at Riza then said, "Are you going to ask him?"

She shook her head, silently cursing the young man for bringing it up. She couldn't go home now, not with Kimblee on the loose.

"Ask me what?" Mustang glanced between them curiously.

Riza waved him off. "It's nothing."

"Look at her, sir," Falman said, impatiently gesturing at Riza's pale face. "She's not feeling well. She probably should go home."

Mustang looked at her as if seeing her for the first time and with how preoccupied he was, she didn't doubt that he was just noticing how she looked. He blushed, realizing he wasn't as attentive as he should be. She would have to corner him later to find out just which friend had been threatened, hoping it wasn't her. She didn't like the idea of being a target of a mad alchemist. "Are you sick, Hawkeye?"

"It's nothing, sir," she lied. "I'll go back to the office."

"Well, if you're sure," he said hesitantly.

She nodded. "I'll be fine."

Riza kept in step with him on the way back to the office. The rest of the team filtered off to return on their own to draw less suspicion. The phone was ringing when she and Mustang got back to the office. Riza picked up, her eyebrows coming. "Yes...really? Okay, tell Dr. Crosier I'll be there after work."

"Hawkeye, if your doctor is calling here to make sure you go see her, go now, please." Mustang's face softened. _About time he notices and feels sorry for me. _"You do look pale and you might be contagious. The last thing we need is for us all to get sick with Crimson running around."

_So much for feeling sorry for me._ Riza sighed. "All right, sir. And I guess I could stop and get Hayate a new toy afterwards." Hayate's toys were their code for 'please, come over tonight'.

"Good luck with that. Take the rest of the day off, Hawkeye. I'll have Fuery fill out the paperwork. If you feel like this tomorrow, call off then, too. I can't have you here if you're not on the top of your game."

"Understood, sir." Hawkeye got up, giving him a final look. She couldn't read his face beyond the worry he held in his eyes. If it was for her or his friend she didn't know but figured his friend deserved it more.

Riza dragged over to the doctor's office and didn't have to wait long before she was shown in. Dr. Crosier had her errant, dark curls under a scarf today and her slightly lined face seemed more grave than usual. "I'm feeling pretty bad, doc. Will this bug be over soon?"

"Sadly, not too soon." The doctor templed her hands on her desk. "You remember the tests I ran the last time you were here?"

Riza grimaced. "How could I forget?"

"Well, I used the urine sample to run a few simple tests, including the rabbit test." Crosier paused, letting that sink in.

Riza didn't want it to. She couldn't breathe. Her whole chest hurt. "Rabbit? Oh...oh no."

"I'm guessing this isn't the happy occasion it should be." Crosier's look went grimmer.

Riza put a shaking hand to her lips. This couldn't be happening to her. She took a deep breath and steeled herself. "Are you saying I'm pregnant?"

Crosier nodded her head. "Yes, you are."

Riza listened without actually absorbing any of the information the doctor was telling her about what to expect and how to care for her body now that she was pregnant. What to eat and what to avoid rolled off her like water off a duck. Finally Crosier handed her some pamphlets outlining it and Riza took them with nerveless fingers.

"Riza, take some time, let it sink in. Think about it. And if you are having trouble with this, come talk to me," Crosier offered.

Riza heard herself babbling some thank you's but she was disengaged from the whole thing. She didn't even realize at first that Crosier was offering her an option out of this mess that was not exactly condoned by the state. She walked home in a daze. Once there, she turned on the radio and sank onto the couch. Suddenly she burst into tears, hugging her knees to her chest. Hayate, concerned over his master's unusual outburst, got up on the couch and started licking Riza's face. She grabbed him, holding him tight, burying her face in his soft fur.

"Oh, Hayate, what am I going to do?"


	2. Spying

1Chapter Two

After taking a nip of whiskey from the flask hidden in a drawer, Roy started chewing the mints Jenna had made him. As if he could really hide the whiskey on his breath. This day was awful, flat out terrible. Not only had he missed the fact Riza was so obviously sick, and he could kick himself for that, but when Maes had called under his new identity of Julien Camden, he didn't have good news.

Kimblee was on Maes' trail. He didn't know if the Crimson Alchemist knew Hughes' true identity or if the investigating Maes was doing now had garnered the unwelcome attention. Maes managed to do a little table turning and had listened in on Kimblee, finding out for certain Kimblee had someone he answered to here in Central. The problem was Hughes didn't know who held Kimbley's leash this time. Neither Roy nor Hughes were willing to take chances with Elicia and Gracia's safety. Roy would call Armstrong later and see what they could cook up in order to be sure Hughes' family was protected. Mustang would even send his men in the day time if he had to.

What was really eating at him was the idea that someone within the military was helping that bastard, Kimblee. Roy had always wondered who was helping Gran all those years. They never did find out who had betrayed him and Maes all those years ago near the Drachmaian border. Gran was probably behind it but they never did find the woman who helped him. Mustang had suspicions but she had gone so underground that he hadn't heard of her in a couple of years.

Roy shook his head and filled out the waiting paperwork. He'd point to it later as a 'see, I'm sorry that I didn't see you were sick. Aren't I a good boy though?' Usually poor Riza had to all but shove her gun in his face to make him do his work. He was a bad man sometimes.

The phone rang just as Roy was just getting ready to leave for the day. He debating picking up, wanting to get over to Hawkeye's and see how she was doing. Finally duty won out. "Mustang here," he said gruffly, hoping the Elrics hadn't baited Scar out into the open.

"Camden. You know who is at the Wobbly Boot. So am I," Hughes said simply.

"Don't let him see you. I'll be right there," Roy said, gritting his teeth. He couldn't let his friend face Kimblee alone but he felt guilty about not going to see Riza when she was ill.

"Take the time to gussy up," Camden replied.

"Understood." Mustang hung up, Hughes' code words in his ear. His friend wanted Mustang to come in disguise such as he could manage.

Roy went home, put on some older clothing, nothing that would stand out. He used his alchemy to go redheaded. He looked like a ginger cat, especially with his almond eyes. Maybe from a distance in a dark smoky bar, he'd look like Julien Camden's cousin. Hughes had gone red as well after the attempt on his life that left Hughes 'dead'. As part of his cover, Roy had pocketed a packet of Havoc's cigarettes -left over in the man's desk which still stood vacant. Roy used to snag his dad's cigarettes growing up and very early on he swore off them because he didn't want to be like his father. Still, every once in a while, he craved the bitter tobacco. It was the reason he was so hard on Havoc occasionally. Now he felt bad, given what had become of his subordinate.

Roy took one last lingering look at his reflection. He didn't quite look unremarkable - damn eyes - but he didn't really look like himself, which was the point. Roy started walking down the street and lit up a cigarette so he could complete the smoker's image, not able to help the satisfied sigh at the taste of tobacco. Roy let the smoke curl past his lips, knowing exactly why Havoc was so fixated on them. It gave the mouth something satisfying to do.

He found the Wobbly Boot easily enough. No one even noticed Roy as he walked in. He scanned the crowded pub, looking for Hughes' lanky form from his view point at the bar while he got a drink to nurse. Roy finally spotted his friend in a back corner. He lit up another cigarette and took a seat opposite 'Julien.'

"Where is he?" he asked, rolling the cigarette with his lips.

"Do you have to smoke that thing?" Hughes waved a hand in front of his face, wrinkling his long nose.

"The only one who gets to bitch about it is Hawkeye who's sick and I should be with her. So where is he?" Roy asked, his volatile temper a little short.

"Testy." Hughes took off his purple-lensed glasses and cleaned them, pointing the way to Kimblee with the stems.

"Sorry, I'm still recovering." Roy's shoulder's slumped as his eyes narrowed in on where Kimblee sat drinking. "I hurt all over and I'm cranky and my lady is ill and my friend is being hunted and the Elric brothers are making targets out of themselves for Scar so I'm a little frayed at the moment."

Maes stopped polishing his glasses to peer at Roy. "Why are the boys doing that?"

"I'm not sure but it has to be intentional." Roy took a long drag. "Edward's not that dumb."

"No, he's rather a clever boy. So is Alphonse," Hughes said, wagging his head. "I can't worry about the Elrics right now. I've been wondering why Kimblee's waiting to attack me. He might not know I'm who I really am." Hughes ran a hand through his bottle brush red hair.

"I barely recognize you." Roy took in his friend's altered appearance. "Why do you think he's after you?"

"He keeps showing up whereever I am. He's watching me. He followed me here. I'd rather not wait until he blows me up to panic," Hughes replied.

Roy nodded, letting smoke curl out his nostrils, dragon-like. "I've asked Armstrong to keep an eye on Gracia and Elicia. I'd have asked for Riza to do so as well but I sent her home. The rest of my men are helping."

"What's wrong with Riza?" Hughes asked as they watched Kimblee, who seemed to be interested in drinking and ogling women. At the moment, the alchemist was being highly non-threatening.

"No clue. Her doctor called at work," Roy said, pretending to take a sip of his drink to hid his distress about that.

"That doesn't sound good." Hughes frowned. Roy knew Maes was fond of Riza for his sake. Maes used to have a little fantasy where she resigned, married Roy and they moved in on Mayflower next to the Hughes'.

"You know Hawkeye's stoic. I never know what the hell's going on with her half the time," Roy said, wagging his head. He hated not being able to read her as well as he liked.

Hughes nodded. "Do you think that the military would really reinstate Crimson?"

"I'm almost certain of it. Aren't you?" Roy absently sketched out arrays in the condensation on the table from the glasses.

"Dead certain, no pun intended. If the people behind trying to kill me are high up in the military, they would be thrilled to have a monster like Kimblee on their side." Hughes' strong fingers curled against the table top in frustration.

"Agreed." Roy tamped out his cigarette in the ash tray, trying to ignore the desire to light up another. His eyes narrowed. "I think I know who might be yanking Kimblee's leash."

A curious look passed over Maes' face. "Who?"

"The Cerulean Alchemist," Roy replied simply.

The curious look morphed into one of disappointment and dismissal. "You've blamed Regiene Blackwood for everything and anything for years now. I'll grant you, she is a scary woman."

"Think about it," Roy broke in. "Yes, I've hated her since Ishbal, but just think for a minute. She and Kimblee had a grand old time of it at the front. I think the only reason she didn't share his fate of ending up sentenced to death is because she was more restrained in showing her glee at killing. Trust me, it was there. You weren't in the same battles as the alchemists. You and the others were busy providing cover for us. I've been at her shoulder when she used the carbon the Ishbalans' own bodies to transmute the water inside a human body into ethanol. Their own body temperature flashed it off, desiccated them. It was horrible...and it made my alchemy that much easier. Alcohol burns. If you don't believe me, ask Armstrong. He and I were a team. She and Kimblee were another." Roy felt the color going from his face. He hated talking about Ishbal, hated even thinking about it.

Hughes rubbed his chin, mulling that over. "I believe you. I remember how she treated you after Ishbal, like you and Armstrong both weren't worthy because you hated what happened out there. She did oppose Kimblee's sentence."

Roy nodded. "And I'm pretty sure their partnership didn't end on the battlefield. I can't imagine anyone wanting to get naked with either of them but..." He rolled his shoulders, a pained look on his face. "I know she was Gran's lover later. We've seen what he did. What if she helped him? No one in Command is even thinking about it that I know of, but what if she had a hand in Lab Five and what happened to you, not just now but before, in Drachma? Suddenly, she's back in town, from the West I heard, and Kimblee's become active again. I bet if I got the names of the officers who are pushing to reinstate him, hers will be there."

"Then you had best be very careful, Roy. She has no love for you and she wouldn't hesitate to hurt the people around you," Hughes said, his face setting angrily. Roy knew that look, the dangerous one.

"I know." Roy took a deep breath, his eyes flickering toward Kimblee. "He's on the move."

That cut short any debate on whether or not the Cerulean Alchemist was behind the attack years ago or what Kimblee was up to now. Roy was willing to put money on her involvement based on what Hughes heard about a woman helping Crimson out. They got up and followed Kimblee at a distance, hoping not to alert him to their presence. Roy had to wonder if Kimblee really was after Hughes. Why would he leave first? Roy hoped Kimblee might be on his way to meet his handler and report back to her.

Unfortunately, it didn't appear Kimblee had much of an agenda. He filtered in and out of two more bars and then finally he disappeared into the Green Door, a well known brothel on the east end of town. Everyone knew the east end was seedy, dangerous and no one did much about it. Poverty and desperation were just part and parcel of city life and people always seemed almost content to allow for it. Brothels and gambling dens were sure to crop up in that fertile soil.

"So, this can't possibly take him too long," Roy said, wiping sweat off his brow as he stared at the brothel door. His injuries were beginning to make themselves known. His side, with its cauterized punctures that while now-healed were still tender, stitched with every step. Roy got winded too easily from all the blood he had lost. He had barely been able to hold up his end once he felt well enough to celebrate his survival with Riza. Roy was a little afraid he had disappointed her that night and the broken condom hadn't helped matters. His eyes scanned the brothel. Maybe Kimblee would get a venereal disease, served him right.

"Roy, I can do this surveillance myself," Hughes said. His eyes raking over Roy. Mustang knew Maes couldn't miss the sweating and the tremors running through him.

Roy shook his head. He would not look weak in front of his friend. "I can help."

"I was the one in Investigations. Even if you were well, you don't have the personality to sit quietly and watch." Hughes smiled to take the sting out of his words. "You're grey. You're overtaxing yourself. I know how hard it is to want to be up on your feet and you're not quite ready." His hand strayed to his chest where the bullets had gone in.

Roy sighed, his shoulders drooping. "I know. I know I'm of no use to anyone. Not you, not Riza."

Maes' smile flipped upside down. "Don't start down that road, Roy. You are far from useless and right now I don't have the stamina or time to pull you up if you fall down." Hughes put a hand on Roy's shoulder. "And Riza's sick, so you just forgive yourself now, all right? You got hurt. Not your fault. If you were a hundred percent, I know you'd be here to help me out. You're already doing more than I could ask for with putting the watch detail on my family. Now, go home and take care of yourself, for once. Chances are once he gets out of here, Kimblee is going to go wherever he's staying and sleep for the rest of the night. That'll be important for us to know. I'm not expecting trouble and if I find it..." Hughes took one of his throwing knives out from behind his back. "You know what I can do with these."

Roy just bobbed his head wearily. "Thanks, Ma...Julien." He scrubbed a scarred hand over his face. "I'm tired, that's all."

Roy left Hughes standing in the shadows watching the brilliant green door of the brothel's namesake. He walked towards home, stopping at a pay phone once he was in a safer neighborhood. Even so, he twisted so his back was to the phone and he could see out the glass. After Hughes' near death, Roy was paranoid about public phones. "Hawkeye...sorry if I woke you up."

"It's okay, you didn't. Where are you?" The worry in her voice broke his heart.

"My friend called. He had Kimblee in his sights so I joined him. We tracked the bastard to the Green Door but...I'm worn out. I hate this. I still have no strength," he growled, his fingers tightening on the phone in frustration.

"Are you sure he's after your friend?" Riza asked and he imagined she wanted to know who it was but knew better than to ask over the phone.

"Not a hundred percent but he wants something, that's for sure." Roy sighed again. "Are you feeling any better, Riza? I can come over if you need me to."

"No, you sound exhausted, Roy. I'm a little better." Better or not, he heard the disappointment in her voice.

"I need to go home, Riza. I was half tempted to call Havoc for a ride then I remembered..." He squeezed his eyes shut. "I just need to get some sleep. If you don't feel better tomorrow, you call in and I'll handle the sick leave paperwork. I'll see you tomorrow, promise."

"Do you need me to call Falman to come get you?" she asked, worried.

"No, I'm not far from home now. I'll be all right. I love you."

She hesitated for a moment, certainly surprised he said it over a phone line. "I know. Take care of yourself."

"That's the second time someone's told me that tonight. Feel better, Riza." Roy hung up the phone and started walking. The time he had to rest hadn't helped. If nothing else, the wound pulled more as he started walking again.

By the time he got home, he had to concentrate at putting one foot in front of the other. He put on water for tea, mostly because he knew his mind was too occupied with the detritus of his worries and fears for sleep. He wanted a bath with some of Jenna's fancy herbal treatments - a rarity since he far preferred showers if he was alone - but he didn't trust his ability to get back out of the tub afterwards. Roy settled for plugging the tub and tossing in the bath salts, letting the scent roil up as he quickly showered.

The kettle was screaming when he was done and he padded naked out to the kitchen to brew the tea. His house was too damn quiet. Maybe he should get a cat. He liked dogs a little better but he was never home. Cats were okay; they were like him, not fond of taking orders and could fend for themselves. It might be nice to have another heartbeat around. While the nettle tea - Jenna promised it would help him rebuild the iron in his blood to make him feel better - was brewing he went back to the bathroom and looked at his reflection in the still-steamy mirror. His burns were peeling again. He stripped the dead skin away, like helping a snake to shed. The flesh under the dead skin was still red and angry. He rubbed in the cream Jenna had given him, hazelnut butter packed with marigold and comfrey to help speed healing. Roy winced, his flesh still tender.

He pulled on some old boxers – who cared if Jenna's ointment stained them - then put on his robe. Roy loaded the tea with honey since nettles were bitter. He wanted very much to enrich it with whiskey but if he did, he would be trying to call Riza or Hughes in the middle of the night, crying drunk. Maes was right. It was better to not even get started down that road. Roy turned on his phonograph and sat down with the latest horror novel he had bought. Maybe it would make him feel less like a failure.


	3. Confession

1Chapter Three

Riza hated everything. She hated her brownstone apartment. She hated the crappy, exposed plumbing in her bathroom and the ugly coverings over the wires for the new electric lighting. She hated throwing up and mostly she hated _him. _ Logically, she knew his job was important. How could she begrudge him helping his friend, especially if the man was marked for death?

She didn't, not really. She was just feeling needy. Riza was even angry that Roy went home without coming to see her, even thought she knew he was still weak from his injuries. _Not so weak that he couldn't father a child, _ she thought bitterly as she poured some tea. She couldn't try to eat breakfast again. What was the point? She'd just throw it up. She sat back on the couch while the tea brewed.

Hayate jumped up with her. He was clingy, sensing her bad mood. She ran a hand through his fur, letting the action ease her. She had slept a little bit but it hadn't cleared her head. Riza was no closer to a decision. She had no idea what she wanted. She just felt cold all over in spite of the fever she still had. Riza wanted to be in Roy's arms. Somehow he would make it right.

Riza knew she was being irrational. Roy could barely handle his own catastrophes most days and looked to her to bail him out. Well, this was a shared nightmare. Maybe he'd surprise her. She sure as hell hoped so because she was frightened and she needed Roy to scare away her demons. Riza dragged to her feet and went to get her tea. She had to dash for the bathroom on the way. She couldn't deal with feeling so sick. She'd have to call Dr. Crosier or at least look at the literature the doctor had given her to see if there was anything that would calm her stomach until she knew what she was going to do.

Riza rounded up the pamphlet Dr. Crosier had given her and sat down with her tea to make a call. She leafed through the literature while waiting for the phone to connect. "Fuery? This is Hawkeye. Is the Colonel there?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Patch me through please."

"You okay, Lieutenant?" Worry resounded in Fuery's voice. He was a sweet kid.

"No, I'm still not feeling well." That was one way of putting it, she thought wryly. "Thanks for asking, Fuery."

There was silence on the line then her lover's deep voice. "Mustang."

"Sir, it's Hawkeye. I'm still not feeling well." She had to tamp down the urge to blurt everything out. Other friends had told her that having babies would do things to her emotions she couldn't control. It appeared they hadn't lied in the least. She hated this out of control feeling.

"Understood. I'll handle the paperwork. Feel better, Lieutenant," he said, efficient, no real emotion or word of comfort just in case someone was listening in but she knew his voice, and his various tones. Roy was worried.

"Thank you, sir." Riza hung up, feeling unwanted tears stinging her eyes. She hated this. She wasn't emotional. It had to be the baby causing this.

She rubbed the tears away then read some more of the literature. Deciding to bypass the call to Crosier when she read she could use herbs to calm her stomach, Riza dressed and headed for the Ravensdales' home. She could visit with Jean a little, too, that way. She pulled on a hat with a wide brim to help hide her face. Well, if someone spotted her out, she could just say she was visiting a healer which was true.

When Riza arrived at the Ravensdale's, Sokorri, Jenna's daughter answered the door. She peered out of the unruly mane of red curls that hung in her face. "Mom! It's Roy's friend!"

Riza blushed, not realizing Sokorri had innocently put that together and announced it loudly enough for them to hear it all the way to Southern Headquarters. Jenna appeared quickly, to see what the fuss was about. She shooed her daughter inside.

"What brings you here in the middle of the day, Hawkeye?" Jenna ushered her in.

"I feel terrible. I was hoping for something to settle an upset stomach. Mustang always swears by your stuff," Riza said, soaking in the sweet smells of the home. It always smelled of flowers, baked goods and candles. It made her long for a real home instead of rented box. "Where's Havoc?"

"Out in the shed with Dad. He's making Jean separate herbs for me. It's good for him to have something to do," Jenna said, leading the way to her outdoor workshop after checking to see if Sokorri had gone back to her playing. "So how long has your stomach been troubling you?"

"For about a week." Riza put her hat on the work bench. "It's annoying."

Jenna turned and looked at her. She studied Riza's face for a moment then her eyes opened wide. She touched Riza's shoulder. "You're pregnant."

Riza pulled away, shaking her head. "No, it's just..."

"Yes, you are. I can tell. You have that glow about you," Jenna insisted.

Riza put her hands over her face, trying to hold in a sob. Jenna put her arms around her and as unlike her as it was, Riza leaned against the older woman, trying to get some comfort from being held. Jenna stroked Riza's back. "I didn't know people could tell by looking yet."

"I've been helping pregnant women for twenty years or more now." Jenna hugged her tighter. "I know the signs, Riza."

"What if they can tell at work?" Riza muttered, pulling away from Jenna.

Jenna laughed lightly. "You work with men. You could waddle in eight months pregnant and they'd just think you're getting fat." Riza smiled at her, dabbing at her eyes. "Roy doesn't know, does he?"

"He can't...not yet. You can't tell him, Jenna." Riza trembled, unprepared for this uncharacteristic wave of emotion. "Please, you can't tell anyone."

Jenna took Riza's arm and guided her to a chair nestled into a fragrant nook. Morning glories and climbing roses filled the archway above the nook and there were so many scents Riza couldn't distinguish them all. "Healers are very good at keeping secrets. We have to be."

Riza took a few deep breaths, getting a heady rush from all the herbs. "Thank you, Jenna."

"I guess this came as a wee bit of a surprise." Jenna went back to her work bench and took down some glass jars. She started spooning dried leaves into a brown paper bag then put yellowish hunks of something in the other.

Riza nodded, pinching the bridge of her nose, and tried to will herself to be calm. "You could say that. We're careful but careful doesn't mean perfect."

"No, sheepskins can let you down," Jenna replied then came over and sat on the flagstone next to Riza. "Are you even going to tell him?"

Riza thought for a moment. Dr. Crosier had offered her an out. Would she take it? "I have to. I can't make a decision like this on my own."

Jenna ran a stained hand through her thick red hair. "Sometimes, I tell my patients in this condition that if they end it, to not ever tell him. Some men just can't handle it. I think Roy could. If he ever found out that you terminated the pregnancy without telling him, I don't know if he'd forgive it."

Riza's eyes misted up again. She hated everything about this but right now the emotional toll was worse than being sick. The sickness would pass. The emotions would linger. "I don't want to risk that. You've...done that before? Ended a pregnancy?"

Jenna nodded. "A mixture of black cohosh and pennyroyal will do it usually. I don't usually tell everyone that I know about this since the State frowns on abortion but I know how to do it."

Riza looked at her hands. Suddenly they seemed rough to her. Calloused, nicked, they were the hands of a soldier, not a mother. "I don't know what I want. I know I have to talk to Roy about it. He has the right to know. I tried last night but someone's after one of his friends. They might be trying to kill him."

Jenna's eyes widened as she leaned forward. "Who?"

Riza shook her head. "I don't know. I thought it could even be me or you but then Roy didn't come over to see me last night. He said he couldn't because his friend had found the potential assassin here in town. Everyone I know he's friends with wouldn't be running around in the middle of the night, except maybe the Elric brothers."

"Sounds awful." Jenna's lips drew down, accentuating some of the fine lines that had begun to form around them. Riza wondered what life would be like to be like this woman, spending her life in gardens, growing things that helped people to live better, creating things of beauty. Would Riza had liked such a life or would she have been bored? "Maybe he'll come see you tonight."

"He might. I hope so. I couldn't talk it over with him because he was at the office." Riza reached out and stroke the petals of a nearby rose, trying to forget for a moment the situation she was in.

"I know how hard this has to be. Roy's told me how much he hates the subterfuge. He does love you, you know."

Riza held up a hand. "I've never doubted it. The simple thing to do would be to just resign and then we could be together the way we want to be. I just don't know if that's the best thing for us."

Jenna plucked some errant weeds out from between the flagstones. "I can't tell you that. I will say that the herbs work best earlier on rather than later, if you know what I mean."

"I do. I've not been pregnant long. Three weeks. And it's make me so horribly sick which is why I came here."

"I have your herbs ready." She pointed to the brown bags. "Ginger tea. Ginger really helps. I put crystallized ginger in the other bag. You can carry that with you."

Riza managed a smile. "Thanks, Jenna. I appreciate it. How much do I owe you?"

"Nothing. Roy's family as far as I'm concerned. That makes you family, too." Jenna reached over and squeezed Riza's hand. She couldn't help but note this woman, this mother, had calloused, rough hands, too.

Riza smile more openly. "Thank you. Hopefully I'll be able to tell him tonight and then I'll know what to do."

"Don't be too disappointed if he doesn't take it well. Even when they want to be fathers like my David, they often don't react the way we'd hope." Jenna made a wry face. "Often, they end up under the bed, crying for their mommies."

Riza snorted indelicately. "I'll just have to shoot him then."

"I'll be listening for the gun shots." Jenna smiled and got back to her feet. "If you have trouble sleeping, Riza, I have some things that are safe for a mother-to-be to have."

"I'll keep that in mind." Riza ran a hand through her hair then shot Jenna a curious look. "Were you sick when you were pregnant with Sokorri?"

"Just a little. Every pregnancy is different. A lot of us get sick...and just so you know if you start feeling um, how shall I say it? A little more amorous than usual. It's normal. You'll go through phases of being horny as hell and feeling too fat and ugly to even be looked at. That's normal, too. In those first and last months I think poor David was afraid I was going to wear him to a nub." Jenna shot Riza a salacious grin.

Riza beamed. "I'll keep that in mind though at first, I'm sure he'll enjoy getting pinned to the sheets. I should go, just in case someone from headquarters comes looking for me. I'm on sick leave. I'd like to see Havoc first, though, just to say hi." Riza touched her eyelids, wondering if her eyes were too puffy for that. She didn't want Havoc asking questions.

"You look okay, dear," Jenna said, going to collect the bags for Riza. "Don't be surprised if Jean's a little cranky. I don't let him smoke inside the house or when he's helping with the herbs."

"Havoc without a cigarette? I can't even imagine it, the poor thing." Riza laughed.

Jenna waved for her to follow her through the garden path. Riza could see a more direct route to the work shed from the house, a cement walkway that was easy to navigate for Jenna's blind father and now, Havoc in his wheelchair. "I can't have him stinking up my herbs. Don't worry, he still has the energy to pinch the butt of most of the women who visit."

"That's what got him into this mess in the first place, him and his bad taste in women," Riza said, with a rueful shake of her head. "But is he doing okay?"

"Not as well as he pretends. He's pretty depressed, understandably. This is not like losing a limb. If that were the case, he could hope to walk again. Unless we find someone more capable of healing than most Amestrisian alchemists, Jean's future isn't very bright."

"I'm sorry. I feel sort of selfish now, worrying about myself. It's not like this isn't what women were designed to do," Riza sighed. "I shouldn't be taking up your time."

"You're allowed to worry about yourself. Your life is changing," Jenna assured her then opened the door to her workshop.

Havoc's face, pinched from sorting herbs, brightened immediately upon seeing Jenna. "You're here to save me from your workaholic father!"

"Always were afraid of working, Havoc," Riza said, smiling.

He beamed at her. "Hey, Hawkeye. What brings you here in the middle of the day?"

"Out on sick leave. I was just getting something to settle my stomach from Jenna so I can get back to work before Mustang does something insanely wrong with his paperwork," Riza said.

"You mean like get buried under a pile of it without you there to help him." Havoc wheeled himself over to her. "You know he can't be left alone with paperwork. His static gloves get itchy."

"If he burns down the office, I'm sure you'll hear all about it." Riza laughed. "I wish I could stay and talk Havoc, but I should get back and lie down. I'm still feeling pretty bad."

"Sure, come by this weekend. Breda, Falman and Fuery are supposed to be by with drinks. We're taking bets on how fast Fuery gets drunk." Havoc smirked.

"My money's on Mr. Ravensdale tossing you all out long before that happens," Riza said and the old alchemist paused in sealing up the glass jars and labeling them with labels that not only had Jenna's fine handwriting but punched so that the blind could read them as well.

"More like Jenna tossing us all out. I wouldn't mind a night out drinking with the boys," Ravensdale said with a wide grin causing the scars on his face to crinkle. "You tell Roy, if he doesn't squash himself under a mountain of paperwork, he should join us."

"I'll let him know, sir," Riza said. "If you need help with the boys, Jenna, just call. I'll come armed."

The herbalist beamed. "I'll keep that in mind."

"I'll see you later, Havoc," Riza said, heading out with her herbs. Havoc did give her a pat on the butt, something he would never have dared to do in the office. She was half tempted to flip him right out of his chair, which he was probably expecting. Instead, she just gave him a pointed look and started for home.

XXX

Riza put a piece of sweet crystallized ginger into her mouth prophylactically after she ate a light lunch of chicken soup and fresh berries. She was just about to stretch out on the couch and comb Hayate when someone knocked on her door. Riza was stunned to see Roy there looking so pale under the blue of his uniform. He shouldn't be back at work yet. He just shouldn't, she decided. "Sir, what are you doing here?"

"These things, no one knows what in the hell to do with them." Mustang held up a pile of paperwork. "I said I'd drop them by while I went to inspect our food suppliers in the market."

"You usually wiggle out of that detail." She managed a smile, happy that he'd made an extra effort to come see her.

"Yes, I know." He gave her a look that said, "Are you inviting me in?"

Riza stepped back so he could enter the apartment. "There's nothing in that pile that Fuery or the others couldn't handle."

"Not what they told me." He grinned then made sure he wasn't visible from the window before putting an arm around her. He kissed her, setting the files on the table. "Mmm, sweet and spicy. I'm sorry about last night."

Riza brushed his spiky bangs back. "It's all right." She wanted so much to tell him right now but Riza knew she couldn't. He'd have to get back to work soon and if she told him now, he'd never be able to. They couldn't risk that.

"No, it's not." His hand skimmed up her back. "I let you down."

She kissed him then went to shut the living room curtains. She was three stories up but she didn't want to risk being seen. "Can you stay for a little bit? I have some soup left over."

"Not hungry." He sat on the couch and held an arm out to her. Riza slid up next to him, resting her head on his shoulder for a moment but it was uncomfortable. Roy sat up and shrugged out of the wool jacket with all its metal bits then let her snuggle up to him. "You still look pale."

"I feel it, too." Riza interlaced her fingers with his. His skin was soft from being in gloves most of the time. His hands were more feminine than hers or Jenna's and she laughed a little at the ludicrous thought.

He gave her the same look Hayate did when the dog was trying to puzzle something out. "What?"

She brushed her lips over his knuckles. "Nothing, love. Can you come back tonight?" she asked as Hayate bounced up on the couch to greet Roy.

He gave the dog a scratch. "Of course. I wish I could stay with you now."

Riza smiled, rubbing a thumb over her belly. "I know. How long can you stay?"

"Oh, they won't be expecting me for an hour." He settled his arm around her. "What can I do to make you better?"

"Just what you're already doing," she replied, kissing his neck. Roy tightened his embrace and she was content to just lean against him for awhile, hoping her troubles would just fade away.

To both of their surprises, the phone rang. They exchanged glances. It wasn't common for people to have phones yet, and Roy helped pay for this one and for his other team members just so he could have them at his disposal, she didn't doubt. Outside of Roy, almost no one called her here.

"Might be the doctor," she said, getting up to answer it. There was something familiar about the male voice on the other end and she didn't like that he asked for Roy. "I don't know who you mean. No, it doesn't make any difference if you tell me you're Julien Camden."

"Julien!" Roy catapulted to his feet, crossing the room. He swiped the phone away. "What are you doing calling here?"

"Who is this man? Why does he have my number?" Riza asked, crossly. How dare Roy give out her number?

"So if I wasn't in the office, you automatically assumed I'm here?" Roy asked, talking over her. "Don't yell at me...what? Damn it! I'll call Breda and Falman. I have to leave someone at the office. Fuery's better with electronic surveillance than any of us. I'll be right there."

"Roy, what in the hell is going on?" Riza grabbed his arm roughly. "Who is that man? Your friend that the Crimson Alchemist is stalking?"

Roy nodded. From his eyes, she knew he was already gone. His body just needed to follow. "Yeah, I'm sorry, love. I have to go."

"I don't even know a Julien Camden." Riza knew she couldn't possibly know all of Roy's friends or he, hers but this stranger seemed oddly too important to Roy that she would never have heard his name before.

"I'll tell you later. I'll be back tonight I promise, but I have to go." His voice snapped more than she expected. She could see the tension thrumming through him. "Could you please call Falman and Breda and tell them to meet me at Elicia's school?"

"Elicia?" Riza felt her color draining away. "What is going on, Roy?"

"Kimblee's been spotted outside of Elicia's school. I have no idea why he'd be waiting there other than to hurt her," Roy said, his face lined with rage at the idea. "I need the others to help me just in case."

She let his arm go, not expecting that revelation. "Why would Kimblee want to hurt Elicia?"

"Because whoever's pulling his strings might be behind Hughes' death and they might not be content to make an example just of him. I have to go. Please, make that call," Roy said, pulling on his jacket.

Riza got into step behind him. "I'm coming with you."

"No, you're sick. Riza, it's okay." He waved her off.

"I'm the best sharp shooter you have. You already said we can't get near Kimblee because of the type of alchemy he uses. You'll need a sniper. Havoc's days as a sniper are done." Riza balled up her fist. "You need me."

"We'll make do. You take care of yourself, Hawkeye." He leaned in for a kiss then was out the door.

Riza thought for a moment about just staying behind but if someone was really threatening Hughes' daughter, she couldn't just sit it out. Hughes had been way too important to Roy and no one should ever threaten a child. Riza gathered up her pistols and her rifle. To hell with Roy and his overprotectiveness. If Kimblee got too close, she'd just vomit in his eye at this point. As she made her way towards the school, Riza tried to ignore the little voice in her head that said 'if Mustang was this overprotective when she had a mere 'stomach flu' what would he be like when he learned she was pregnant?'

XXX

Riza didn't regret going to the school, even though from the look in Roy's dark eyes she knew she'd hear about it. It wasn't like she disobeyed a direct order, after all. She wasn't on duty. That didn't mean Roy wouldn't have a snit. It was the reason he and Edward didn't get along, she was sure. They had the same bratty, hot-tempered personality even if underneath they were both sweet as spun sugar.

She had stopped to buy a loaf of bread on the way home, still not sure she was up to eating more than broth and maybe the insides of the bread. She didn't really like crusts. Dinner at least seemed to be staying down.

Riza had no idea when Roy would actually show up. She got Hayate brushed, thinking about the stake out at the school. Whatever the Crimson Alchemist was up to, it wasn't readily apparently. Mostly he had just hung around, watching the school's playground. He didn't try to talk to any of the students or the teachers or even the mothers when they arrived to claim their children. Riza had watched him from her scope. He was a shifty bastard and there was something inherently creepy about tattooing arrays to ones own hands. Her shoulder blades itched with that thought, as if to remind her what she had endured.

Riza propped her feet up on the couch after having dumped her bra in her bedroom. Her breasts felt too big and swollen for it and her belly was fluttery but at least things were staying in it. Hayate snuggled up with her on the soft worn couch and she propped her book up on his shoulder as she read. It was getting late and she was beginning to think she was going to get another call saying Roy wasn't coming when finally someone knocked at the door.

Hayate bounced down barking loudly until Riza commanded him to hush. She opened the door and Roy stood there, having exchanged his blues for a worn outfit of black. What was he thinking he was going to go do? Another all night surveillance? He had been pale and shaky by the time the stake out ended when Kimblee just wandered off to a bar and not following Gracia and Elicia home. If Roy thought he had the energy to go out all night with that Julien Camden fellow - who conveniently hadn't shown up for the stake out - Riza would slap him senseless.

"You really shouldn't have disobeyed me, Riza. You don't feel well. We all understand that," Roy said as she locked the door behind him.

"Right, the same way you shouldn't be back at work yet since you keep getting pale and shaky every time you have to put forth a lot of energy," she said, in no mood for a lecture.

"I'm fine," he said, kissing her. "You look tired, Riza. Do you want me to go?"

She took his hand and pulled him to the couch. "I want you to sit. We need to talk."

"That sounds dire," he said with a little smile, stealing another greedy kiss.

"I guess it is." Her voice went too flat, too serious and she regretted it. Roy went instantly on alert.

A frown twisted his lips. "What did that doctor say?"

Riza looked down at her hands where they tangled with his. How could she say this to him? Before she had the chance, the phone rang again. "Who the hell?" She picked it up. "You again! Look, I don't know what he told you but the Colonel does not live here...don't yell at me."

Roy took away the phone. "What is it now, Camden? Okay, back at the Wobbly Boot, I'll be there."

"No, you won't," Riza said, staring at him in disbelief. Camden couldn't just come in and disrupt her whole life. "You're not leaving again. Let him watch Kimblee on his own. You're still recovering and we have to talk."

"Hang on, Camden." Roy put his hand over the phone and glared at her. "Riza, this is important."

"So am I, Roy. Now hang up that phone and talk to me," she demanded.

"We'll talk when I come back. I have to do this. Camden, I'll be there-"

"Roy!" Riza snarled, breaking into the conversation. "I'm pregnant."

Roy's mouth dropped. "Camden...I can't make it." He hung up the phone with a shaking hand. "What?"

"I'm pregnant."

Riza thought she was going to have to pick him up because she could almost see the faint coming on.


	4. Dealing Badly

Chapter Four 

Roy's stomach felt like it had knotted up then shoved into his throat. He didn't know how he managed to put the phone down without dropping it. Roy wanted to go to Riza, to hold her and tell her everything would be okay but he couldn't move. He felt like he was made of heavy, locked-up old automail. "Pregnant?" he managed to get out. From the hot look on her face, Roy figured Riza was expecting more from him and wasn't getting it.

He watched as her usually placid, controlled face crumbled. Tears started tumbling down her cheeks and still he could do nothing. Finally Roy managed to make it to her side and folded her into his arms. "Riza, I…I…" He couldn't make the words in his head move past his teeth. He just held her quietly.

Riza pulled away, agitation in her dark eyes. "Say something, Roy."

"I'm too stunned to talk," Roy babbled then blundered into, "Are you sure?"

Riza's hand slapped across his face so hard and fast he had no chance of dodging.

"I guess you're sure," Roy said ruefully, touching the hot spot on his cheek. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be an ass." He pulled her gently to the couch, gathering her to him as they sat. She let him do it but her body seemed stiff and unyielding. He was failing her. Roy stroked her hair. "I don't know what to say." He felt her tense against him. "I know that's not helpful."

She put a little space between them, absently giving Hayate's nose a scratch as the dog bumped her legs, nervously picking up on his owner's distress. "Not really."

Roy still didn't know what to say. Fear crystallized in his gut. "I'm sorry it's making you sick and I'm sorry I've been too distracted to listen to you." He trembled a little, sweat slicking down his back. Her little apartment seemed tighter than a vise around them. "You've been trying to tell me, haven't you?"

She took his hand. "Only since last night. I just found out. I thought I was sick."

"How do you feel, Riza?" he blurted out and got a look that said he was an idiot. Roy winced and thought before speaking, "I mean, I know you're ill but how do you feel about this?"

Her face softened. "Scared. I don't have to ask how you feel. Angry. Scared." Riza glanced away, rocked by a sudden tremor. "I can see it in your eyes."

"I'm stunned, not angry, scared, too, but I'm not angry," Roy said in complete honesty. "What…" His shaking moved well beyond his control. "What are you going to do?"

"Is that your way of asking me am I getting rid of it?" Riza started to push off the couch. Her face pulled into a rictus of pain, imagining the worst from him even though she didn't want to.

Roy caught her arm, dragging her back. "No. I want to know what you're thinking." He stroked her hair. "I don't know what to do. I'm sorry."

"You keep saying that," she said, bitterly. Her eyes begged him to do more but he didn't know what to do. "What do you want me to do?"

He caressed her arm with a quivering hand. Why couldn't he find the right thing to do or say? He was usually so much better with words. "I want you to do whatever is best for you?"

Her eyes narrowed as she shoved him. "Get out, Roy!"

His mouth dropped, a dangerous thing given how his belly roiled. He didn't know what he had said wrong but it was obviously deadly. He thought he was being fair but Riza looked at him like he was something that crawled out of a sewer. "What?"

She went so pale he thought she'd faint. He reached out to her and Riza batted his hand away. "Get out of here. Go help your damn friend. You're useless to me. Get out!"

"Riza, please." He only managed a tight whisper past his constricted throat. His eyes misted so badly he could barely see.

"Go now!" She jumped to her feet and thrust her arm toward the door. Her whole body shook hard. He never seen her this angry before. "Go!"

That came out as a scream and blasted him off the couch. Roy all but ran for the door, hesitating just a moment. He looked back at her. "I'm…"

"If you say you're sorry, I swear I'll shoot you." Bright red patches flamed on her cheeks. He thought she might really mean it.

Roy swallowed his words and his pride and dashed out the door. He slammed it shut and leaned against the painted wood. He couldn't make his mind work. All he really wanted was to go back inside and make it right but he didn't know how. Fearing she might just shoot him through the door, Roy moved off, heading for the Wobbly Boot. To hell with Maes being there keeping an eye on Kimblee, the only thing of importance was Roy could get drunk there. That way he could pretend it wasn't tears stinging his eyes. He'd blame the cigarette smoke. Oh no, he wasn't about to cry. He wouldn't allow it though, even if being able to cry might be a good thing. Damn his male pride.

Roy's eyes might have been dry by the time he made his way into the Wobbly Boot but he could barely swallow past the tightness in his throat. He found Maes towards the back of the pub. He flung himself into a seat across from his friend and reached for Maes' beer. "Is Kimblee just getting drunk again?" Roy grumbled.

"Yes." Maes grabbed the mug away from Roy. "You don't drink until I get some answers. I almost left Kimblee here but I figured I'd be in the way at Hawkeye's…not to mention a huge shock since she doesn't know I'm alive. Why are you here, Roy?"

Roy looked down at the scarred table unable to meet his friend's citrine eyes. Maes must have overheard on the phone. "To help you."

Maes' eyes narrowed. "Like hell. I heard what she screamed at you, Roy."

Roy tossed his head like a proud stallion. He wasn't going to break down. "I don't know what you think you heard."

"Don't be like this." Maes leaned on the table. A hint of rage played across his long face. "Roy, why did you leave her? She needs you if what I overheard is true. She needs-"

"Me to get out," Roy interrupted the tirade, slamming his hands on the table. A few patrons turned and stared at him. "She threw me out."

Maes' mouth pulled into a thin line. "What did you do, Roy?"

Roy glowered. How dare his friend suggest this was his fault? "Nothing."

Maes drained Roy's beer, probably out of spite, Mustang decided. The world was against him tonight. "You didn't get thrown out for nothing."

"But I did. I couldn't…think, talk. I couldn't do anything." Roy ran a hand through his hair, tearing at it. "She asked me what I wanted and I told her whatever she wanted."

"Oh hell, Roy!" Maes pinched the bridge of his nose. "Tell me you didn't."

Roy shriveled in on himself. "I didn't think it was so bad."

"You might as well just say you didn't care." Maes poked a finger against Roy's chest.

Roy frowned miserably. He hadn't meant it that way. "I didn't want her thinking she had to have the baby if that's what I wanted or lose it if I didn't. I didn't want her to think that I married her because of this." It still seemed reasonable to Mustang.

"I should hit you." Maes grabbed Roy's sleeve and yanked on him hard.

Apparently it wasn't reasonable. Everyone seemed mad at him. Roy sighed. "What?"

"Get up," Maes demanded in a tone Roy didn't really want to argue with but he still refused to comply. "We have to get out of here."

"What about Kimblee?" Roy took a look back to where the Crimson Alchemist sat. If Kimblee turned around there would be no way he wouldn't recognize Roy who hadn't been clear minded enough for a disguise.

"You asked your men to watch him, right? I spotted Falman over in the corner near the fireplace. Now get up." Maes pulled on Roy's arm. "You're going back to Hawkeye's and you're going to make things right."

"Suggestions?" Roy meekly followed Maes out of the pub. Maybe his friend, who was even better with words than he was, would know what to say to fix this.

"Tell her what you're thinking. Tell her if you want this baby. Tell her if you don't. Tell her that you love her no matter what because I know you do," Maes insisted as if reading Roy's mind. How Roy felt about Hawkeye was no mystery to Hughes.

Roy stumbled over a crack in the sidewalk. "I do, more than anything. I can't imagine my life without her. When I thought I lost my best friend," He gave Hughes a look as he was remembering hearing of Maes' death in a phone booth. "I nearly died. I wouldn't survive if she left my life."

"Then tell her that. In fact, that might be the place to start," Maes said, encouragingly. Hughes finally looked less pissed.

Roy glanced back at him, studying his friend for a moment. "Why are you following me? It's not like you're going to hold my hand while I grovel for forgiveness."

Maes pointed a finger at Roy. "I'm making sure you don't take the coward's way out."

"Oh, thanks for the support," Roy grumbled and stalked off up the street. He knew Maes was following him but his friend didn't bother to try and speak to him again. What more was there left to say? He knew Maes was right. He needed to fix his own mess. Roy figured Maes would hang out in front of Hawkeye's apartment complex for a while before leaving, just to be sure Roy didn't do anything stupid.

Roy knocked on Riza's door, fully prepared to use his key if she wouldn't let him in. She opened the door without a word. He had to fight to not drop his gaze in shame as her eyes seemed to accuse him of a hundred things at once. "I know I failed you earlier and I'm sorry. I know you didn't want to hear that word again but I really am. You are the only light in my life and I can't live in the darkness."

Riza put her hands on his cheeks. They felt cold against his flesh. Tears slowly wended down her cheeks. Roy took her in his arms, pushing the door shut with his foot. His lips found hers. Even though his eyes were misted with tears again, he managed to keep them in check as he slipped his arms around her. He carried Riza to the couch.

"Roy," she murmured against his neck.

"What I messed up saying was I love you so much, Riza and nothing you do will change that. I just wanted…I didn't…" Roy shook his head. This was so hard. What had Maes told him to say? Those words Hughes had all but plucked from Roy's own mind, he couldn't capture them again. "I didn't want to pressure you into a decision."

She cocked her head at him. "How could you pressure me?"

He smoothed her hair. "If you really wanted to have this child and I didn't and you went off to have the baby anyway, what then? What if I did want the baby and you didn't, would you think you'd disappoint me by aborting? I don't know if you're willing to give up your career to be a mother. They won't allow you to stay in regardless of what I do. I know you take your job very seriously. I didn't know if you wanted to marry me and face the sniggering idiots whispering behind our backs about having to get married."

Riza broke in with a brittle, almost hysterical laugh. "Roy, you thought of all this in those short moments after I told you I was pregnant?"

"It's what happens when your brain explodes," he said miserably. His head drooped back against the couch pillows.

"I shouldn't have told you like I did." Riza tucked her legs up on the couch, leaning against him. "I know that your friend is in real danger and I could have waited until you helped him."

He pressed his lips to her forehead. "And I should have paid attention when you said we have to talk."

Riza laced her fingers with his. "I want you to tell me what you want, Roy. Don't weigh it against what you think I want."

Roy wet his lips, looking down at Hayate who was whining for attention. He petted the dog then shooed him off as Roy collected his thoughts. "I want you to know that no matter what, I'll always love you. I know I'm repeating myself." Roy took a deep breath then blurted out, "I want you to have our baby. I'll miss you as my aide but I'd rather have you by my side as my wife for the rest of my life."

Riza's lips trembled as she cupped a hand over them. She just rested against him as he folded his arms around her. Roy tucked his chin over her shoulder. She shook hard. "That's what I hoped you'd say," she whispered.

Roy buried his hands in her hair and he kissed her wet face. "I love you so much."

Riza sat back a little so she could look him in the eyes. "I love you, too." She squeezed his hand. "We can't tell anyone yet. Well...Jenna knows. She took one look at me when I went to get something to settle my stomach and she knew. She's the only one. I don't want anyone to know yet until I'm more settled and have a plan for resigning. And if something happens..." Riza trailed off, her face clouding like a summer storm.

Roy shook his head frantically. "Don't think that."

"It happens, Roy. It's a part of it." Her lips trembled. "Miscarriages... if that happened, things might not change."

Roy's grip tightened around her. "Does that mean you wouldn't marry me if not for this baby?"

She sighed, rubbing her face. "I love you, but you need me more as your aide than your wife."

Roy almost opened his mouth to argue, especially since he had just declared his feelings about this, but decided she didn't need to be upset any further. He stroked her back, feeling the ridges of scar tissue under his hand. "Whatever you need, I'm willing to give it to you."

"Right now, I just need you to hold me. We can worry about everything else as it comes," she said, snuggling into him.

"I can do that," Roy said contentedly, wrapping his arms tight around her.

Riza seemed to be concentrating on his breathing as she cuddled with him. Finally she got to her feet and gave him her hand. "Stay tonight," she said. "I need you to stay."

He let her pull him up then he kissed her softly. "Of course."

She kissed him back, full of promise of more than sleep. Roy smiled at her, picturing their new life. It was very pretty.


	5. terror

Chapter Five

The sun didn't seem quite as malevolent as it sometimes did to Roy. Ever since Ishbal's blazing sun, Roy had lost his taste for bright light. His skin had gotten so pale since he spent so much time avoiding the sun. Today, he didn't mind waiting in the town square under the hot, yellow rays. He was, however, getting a little worried that Maes was late. Hughes was usually very punctual. Finally he saw his friend cutting through the crowded square. Could the man have a bigger grin on his face?

"What?" Roy growled, not sure why his friend's good mood put him in a bad one. He pulled the gloom around him like a defensive cloak.

"You're not bullet ridden so you must have made it all right," Maes said, chucking Roy's shoulder.

Roy let go of the building negative emotions. Maes was just excited on his behalf and he had no call to be an ass about it. "It's all right."

When Roy didn't offer any details, Maes prompted, "So?"

Roy smirked, making Hughes work for it, if he wanted to know. "What?"

Maes shoved him, his citrine eyes narrowing impatiently. "Tell me what happened."

Roy glanced around the square, trying to see if there was anyone about that he needed to worry overhearing the conversation then whispered, "We're having a baby."

Maes chuckled lowly, putting his arm around Roy's shoulders. "You look like you're about to faint."

"My head does feel a little detached." Roy grinned, running a hand through his hair. "But don't you laugh at me."

"As I recall, you laughed your fool head off at me." Maes wagged a finger at him.

"You were hysterically giddy. It was laugh-worthy," Roy protested, remembering when Hughes had told him Gracia was pregnant. There had been tears and high pitched noises more at home coming out of a chipmunk. "I, on the other hand, am just a little shell shocked."

"Go look in the mirror, Roy. You might as well write 'I'm going to be a daddy' across your forehead. Your eyes are actually dancing."

"That's your story." Roy blushed, hoping that Maes was wrong. He didn't want anyone guessing how happy he was. It was so out of character. "Mine is, I got really lucky last night."

Maes snorted, remembering this fantasy. "With twins."

"And their younger sister," Roy shot back, obviously having worked on the finer details of his fantasy.

Maes rolled his eyes. "Nice touch. But that look on your face still says baby!"

"Will you shut up!" Roy shoved him. "Why are you even here? You called me at Hawkeye's to tell me something about Kimblee. It had best be important. Riza is getting pissed at Julien calling all the time."

"Kimblee went to Cerulean's last night," Maes broke into the rant and Roy's eyes widened.

"Then I am right, she has something to do with it." Roy sounded triumphant. "What did they do?"

"Once the clothes came off, I stopped looking," Maes replied, making a face.

Roy shuddered. "Okay, I didn't blame you for not watching that. Now what?"

"I'm going to meet with Armstrong to give him some places to look at," Hughes said. "Let's see what investigations can turn up. You need to get into the office before your crew starts to wonder about you more than they already do, Roy."

Roy nodded sharply, feeling very light of spirit. After all these years his suspicions about the Cerulean Alchemist might be proven true. "Keep me apprised, Julien."

"Will do." Maes clamped Roy's shoulder. "Congrats, Roy...though I'm not sure the world is ready for another you."

"For that crap, I hope it's a boy and, in fifteen years, he'll be dating Elicia because you know a little age difference is not going to stop a Mustang." Roy smirked evilly.

Maes glowered at him, his eyes deepening to almost black. "That isn't funny."

"I think the funny is going to keep me smiling all through the work day." Roy waved a hand and headed back to the office, utterly pleased with himself.

X X X

Riza took Roy up on his offer of another day off but she felt a little guilty about it. Jenna's tea was helping so she decided to go talk to the herbalist some more to hear her suggestions for a good pregnancy. Riza knew stress was bad and, like it or not, she was under a lot of tension. Roy was never an easy man to love and now with his fears about the government, the homunculi, Hughes' death and keeping Edward as safe as he could, Roy was a mess. In turn, it put stress on her. Now the added strain of the baby and trying to decide what to do with her life, Riza felt tight all over. She'd talk to Doctor Crosier, too, but it was easier to get an appointment to see Jenna than the doctor.

Riza had nipped around to the corner grocer and got some bottles of Havoc's favorite beer and a pack of cigarettes, even if they were forbidden. She felt sorry for him. So long as he smoked them outside, Havoc could have his vices. Riza went home, leashed up Hayate and headed for Jenna's.

X X X

Winry sometimes wondered about Ed's sanity. It couldn't be too smart to try and lure out the homunculi, not to mention Scar. She was the one to repair the damage the last time Ed and Al had gone up against the man. Apparently Ling had caught Ed's insanity or maybe vice versa. Winry wondered if she was just as infected because she was still seeing a future life with her and Ed. What made her think he'd live that long?

Ed and Al had disappeared somewhere, leaving Winry at loose ends. She decided to do a little shopping for parts and tools, things that would only make Ed moan if she took him along. Besides, knowing Ed, she'd be needing the parts soon to repair him.

Winry snagged herself a sandwich from a street vendor, a fried ham and cheese. As she nibbled and window shopped, she thought she saw someone familiar peeking in a florist's window. The red hair was different, the glasses, too, but there was something familiar about the way he stood and held his body. Winry edged closer to the man. Yes, he definitely seemed familiar. She stepped closer. No, it couldn't be. Her heart thundered and her hands shook. The man resembled Mr. Hughes but he was dead. Maybe he had brothers. She had never thought to ask. Winry got closer and he sensed her scrutiny. The look in his eye said 'back off.' She decided she couldn't do that. "Excuse me. I don't mean to stare but I think I know you."

"Never met you before," he said gruffly, not looking at her.

Winry kept her eyes on him. "I'm pretty sure we've met."

"Do you mind?" I'm really too busy to be bothering with you," he replied, turning on his heel and stalking off.

Winry couldn't figure out why she had made him so mad. Maybe he was just rude but she didn't buy that. He even sounded a little like Mr. Hughes with a funny accent. Winry had to know who this man was so she started to follow him only remembering once the hunt had begun in earnest about Ed and Al's warnings about shape changers.

X X X

Damn his luck. Of all people to come across him, it had to be the inquisitive Miss Rockbell. All he wanted to do was buy some anonymous flowers for Riza and now he had a tenacious hound dog on his trail. If he took off running, she'd know he was up to something. He was good at hiding but she had a persistence he wished some of his former underlings would have had. Why was she so determined to follow him? Had she read one too many amateur sleuth novels?

Maes cut up toward the residential area and she stayed with him. He knew how singled minded one could become during a pursuit. It was a very dangerous state of mind and she was clearly in it. Still, Winry was just a kid and not trained in this art. He could lose her in someone's back yard. He wasn't far from Mustang's friend's home. She had extensive gardens that would do well in hiding him.

Grimacing as he spotted Riza and Hayate heading down the street, Maes cursed his luck again. Riza seemed to be heading for Jenna's and for the love of hell, Havoc was on the porch in his wheelchair, absently smoking and watching the people go by. Maes had no luck at all today. He put his head down and walked past Riza. She was so into her own little world that she didn't so much as look up.

Maes counted that as lucky. Maybe he'd get luckier and Riza would derail Winry. Of course, knowing how his day was going, Winry would get Riza after him. She would be much harder to escape. The sound of screeching rubber made both Maes and Riza spin around to face the road. A bakery van careened up and came to a halt with the stink of burning tires. Men spilled out of the back, their faces disguised, guns very much in evidence.

"Get him!" one of the men growled and Maes fumbled in his pocket for his knives.

"What about the girls?" another masked man asked.

"I recognize one of them," another said, "grab them both."

"Get your hands off me!" Riza snapped, dropping Hayate's leash as she went for her ever-present gun.

Winry screamed and bit one of the men who had hold of her.

"Let her go!" Havoc demanded from the porch of Jenna's home.

Maes flung his knife, sinking it into the neck of one of Winry's captors. She broke free but another man grabbed her. As he dodged a man after him, Maes saw Havoc pull a pistol from the carry all strapped to the side of his wheel chair, old habits dying hard.

Maes tried to duck for cover, hearing the multiple reports of gun fire; Havoc's, Hawkeyes', the enemies'. He saw Havoc spill out of his chair, either ducking for cover and forgetting himself or trying a maneuver his chair couldn't handle. Maes refused to think on the other reason Havoc might have fallen.

Winry and Riza were screaming inventive curse words that should never be coming out of a lady's mouth; Hayate barked and growled; the smells of cordite and blood filled his nose, taking him back to Ishbal. He threw another of his knives, trying to keep Winry from being dragged into the van. Maes saw the blade sink into the man's thigh then stars exploded behind his eyes and everything went black.


	6. trying to get it together

Chapter Six

Roy wanted to collapse. He wanted to scream and to kill the people who had done this. All he could do was struggle to hold onto his professional decorum, no matter what. Ignoring the ache in his heart was nearly impossible, especially seeing the blood on the sidewalk and the three dead bodies that had been pulled off to the side. Armstrong's unmistakable form hunkered down next to one body with a bullet-pierced head.

Jenna had Havoc stretched out on the porch flooring under a blanket, which was flipped back on one side as Jenna pressed comfrey leaves against Havoc's bared thigh. Roy climbed the porch steps, asking, "How bad is he hurt?" Roy tried to assess what little he could see of the wound as Jenna started dressing it.

"I'll be fine, Boss," Havoc grated out as Jenna's fingers tightened the dressing. His eyes dulled. "Useless but fine."

"One of those bodies out there is on you, right? That was what I was told. You stopped one of them. That's not useless," Roy replied sternly. Fury flared in him, gaining a razor's edge, seeing his subordinate hurting. "What kind of car did they take them off in? You could tell us that."

"He has," Jenna said, glancing up at Roy, her expression grim. "A bakery van. I'm more worried about where the ambulance for my patient is. The bullet wound isn't severe but he needs more than I can give him here."

"I'll check on it," Roy reassured her, his jaw tightening. He had been hoping Havoc's paleness was stress and not severe blood loss. "Havoc, one last question."

"The van went up Maple Street and turned onto Rose Blossom," Havoc displayed his mind reading abilities.

"Thanks, Jean." Mustang rested a hand on the man's shoulder for a moment then started down the steps.

"Boss," Havoc halted him with that one word and Mustang turned back to him. "From what the kidnappers said, the guy they took, the one I didn't know, he was the target. Hawkeye and Winry were just at the wrong place at the wrong time." He frowned, fingers knotting in the blanket "I thought I heard one of them say he recognized Hawkeye."

"Thanks, that's very helpful." Roy rejoined the investigation with a nod toward Havoc.

Armstrong had the three dead kidnappers on the sidewalk and unmasked. He pointed a thick finger at the fair-haired dead man. "Lieutenant Swanger."

"He's military?" Surprise shook Roy down to his toes.

"I think they all are," Armstrong replied grimly, anger over that fact obvious in the broad planes of his face. "I don't know these two but they look vaguely familiar."

Roy waved the larger alchemist aside. "Alex Louis, I have reason to believe that Regiene is behind this."

Armstrong nodded, his forelock bobbing. "Camden called me about the meeting between Crimson and Cerulean," he said, using Hughes' new name just in case there were more traitors within earshot. "And you've been ordered back to headquarters, sir."

"Someone doesn't want me in the middle of the investigation," Roy growled but he couldn't say he was shocked. They tried to keep him out of the Hughes investigation as well.

"It's pretty clear someone is afraid of what you'll find," Armstrong said, an unaccustomed bitterness to his tone. It was just as clear whoever wanted Mustang out of the investigation assumed Armstrong wasn't smart enough to be a threat and that could work to Mustang's advantage. Armstrong turned to face Jenna's home. "I think that I'll need a nice herbal tisane to calm my nerves tonight."

Mustang's eyes narrowed and he gave a curt nod to show he understood. Armstrong wanted to meet him back here once the investigation closed for the evening. "Sounds good. Hopefully Havoc will be back from the hospital. I think I'll come check on him tonight."

Armstrong's massive head dipped slightly on his thick neck. Their meeting time established, Roy turned to go. Armstrong's enormous hand clasped over Roy's slender shoulder. "I'm sorry, Flame. We'll do our best to get them back."

"Thanks, Armstrong." Roy sighed. "I'll see if I can't escape HQ and track down the Elrics. They need to know about Miss Rockbell." His lips twisted. Roy didn't want to tell them, could imagine how hard the news would hit but someone had to do it. This truth was something he owed the brothers, especially when he was hiding so many truths from them.

"Good luck, sir." Armstrong's paw pounded Roy's shoulder comfortingly.

"We'll all need it." Roy waited until he was several blocks away before finding an alley to duck down. He clamped a hand over his mouth, holding in a scream. Swallowing back his bile, Roy paced the alley. He couldn't just go and sit on his hands while his pregnant lover, his best friend and an innocent girl could be dying. Roy wanted to burn something, anything. In the end, he simply reported back, hoping he could make it through the rest of the day without hurting anyone.

X X X

Roy hadn't accomplished much chained to his office, so he took the first chance he got to escape and go looking for the brothers. He saw a small victory in his grasp, spotting Alphonse's large, armored form near one of the fruit markets. The boy was watching Edward buying obscene amounts of food. Who all did Edward think he was going to feed with that?

"Alphonse!" Roy called. "I have to talk to you and Edward."

"What are you doing here, Mustang?" Ed grumbled though Roy suspected that Fullmetal was in a bad mood long before he showed up.

"We need to talk," Roy repeated sternly.

"I'm busy." Ed waved him off.

"Winry's been kidnapped," Roy said simply, hating to have to cut the hearts out of the boys but he there was nothing he could do about it.

Alphonse startled so hard he rattled as Ed's automail hand convulsed, sending wet, sticky bits of pale apple flying. His eyes narrowed to amber slits. "What?"

The vicious look on Ed's face took Roy aback. "I'm sorry."

"You're sorry?" Ed's voice cracked as it catapulted up an octave. His fists opened and closed. "What the hell are you talking about? What did you do?"

"Colonel, sir, what happened?" Al's voice wasn't much calmer but worry couldn't show in the immutable planes of a metal face.

"This isn't the place to talk about it." Roy glanced around the crowd. "I need you to come with me."

"Talk? Winry's been kidnapped and you want to talk?" Ed raged, his body twisting as if he didn't know which way to go first. "We have to-"

"Shut up and listen to me," Roy broke in, catching the boy's arm. Edward jerked away. "Ed, I know you're worried. So am I. They took Hawkeye, too, but we can't run off half-cocked. Now come with me. I'll tell you everything I know and I'm hoping Investigations might be able to pass on some information to us at the same time."

Edward's throat worked hard, his eyes meeting Roy's. "They have Hawkeye, too?"

"Yes. If you'll follow me." Roy spun on his heel without another word. He imagined he could hear nerves breaking; his, Edward's. He chose a pace just shy of running through the streets as the streetlights started to come alive for the falling darkness. He wanted to get back to Jenna's. Armstrong should be there by now but Roy didn't want to look conspicuous if someone was watching him. Roy knocked on the door but didn't wait to be let in. "Jenna, it's me," he called as he pushed through the door, the kids close on his heels

"We're in the living room, Roy." Jenna's voice sounded remarkably calm, though Roy recognized the thread of tension running through it.

"I have people with me, Edward and Alphonse," Roy replied, gesturing for his companions to follow him. Roy was surprised to see Gracia was with them, pouring tea for Havoc, Armstrong and Forrest, Jenna's father. Roy pointed for Edward to sit which the boy did reluctantly. "Gracia…where's Elicia?"

"I sent her and Sokorri with my friend, Carla, out in the country just in case," she replied grimly and Roy hoped both Elicia and Sokorri would be all right. He didn't want anything to happen to the little girls.

"I wish Father would have gone with the children," Jenna said, glancing at the old, blind alchemist.

"I'm not helpless," Forrest grumbled.

"I know, sir," Roy said then gave Jenna a look, which the herbalist read correctly.

"Come on, Dad. Major Armstrong gave us that list of contacts we need to get in touch with," Jenna said. "Let's get that done." If Forrest knew he was being led off so the military men could talk, he didn't show it.

Ed watched the civilians go, willing them to move faster. Winry was in trouble and he didn't want to waste time. He felt Al's big hand close over his shoulder and Ed forced himself to relax.

Roy nodded toward Havoc. "Havoc, how are you?" he asked, trying not to ignore anyone's sacrifices in this even though he wanted to just tear into whatever Armstrong had to say.

"They say the bullet went through the meat of the thigh," Havoc said, rubbing his leg even though he couldn't feel it. "Didn't damage bone. Sorry, I didn't do better, Boss."

"You did fine," Roy assured him and Havoc seemed mollified.

"You were there when it happened?" Ed looked surprised.

"It happened right outside the house," Havoc replied, eyeing the boy sorrowfully. "They were after some guy. Hawkeye and your friend were in the wrong place at the wrong time. The kidnappers took them all. I tried to stop them but I got shot." Havoc's eyes turned downcast.

"Who are they? Why would they want to kidnap anyone?" Ed glanced around the room, demanding answers.

"Because they might have figured out Julien Camden's real identity," Gracia said and Ed's head jerked as if he had been suddenly reminded she was there. Confusion over the fact that she knew something he was not party to shone in his eyes.

"I don't understand," Alphonse said, voicing what his brother didn't say.

"We've held back something from you boys," Roy said slowly as if giving this information hurt him. "Well, from everyone."

"Julien is Maes," Gracia said softly.

"What?" Ed was on his feet in a flash, the automail thumping hard on the floor.

"Why would you lie?" Al asked at the same time, so hurt and afraid that Roy felt his pain.

Mustang winced even when Havoc turned to him and simple said quizzically, "Boss?"

"You bastard! How could you keep this from us?" Ed growled, his fists clenching. He took a step towards Mustang and Al reached for him.

"Edward, it's not Roy's fault," Gracia said, halting the boy. "Even I didn't know at first, not for many weeks."

"Maria Ross got to the booth in time, saved him. Ross and I got the Lieutenant Colonel out of town but it was necessary to fake his death," Armstrong rumbled and Ed's attention turned to him, his jaw flopping. "If they knew Hughes survived, they would try again, or worse, go after his wife and child."

"Their people would not have hesitated, Edward. The only person Armstrong confided in was me and not until after the funeral," Roy said, his voice shaky. The memory made his stomach twist like a wrung out dish towel. "Armstrong told me and I told no one, not Gracia, not until Maes sent me to bring her to him. Even Riza doesn't know Maes is alive, but whoever's behind this kidnapping must have suspected Julien was Maes. I think the Cerulean and Crimson Alchemists are behind it, under orders from somewhere higher up. I'm not sure who but I have ideas." Roy thought of saturnine features made harder by an eye patch.

"But why would they take Winry, too?" Ed's face had so little color left Roy wasn't sure how the boy was still on his feet.

"Like Havoc said, wrong place, wrong time. I'm just grateful they took the witnesses rather than shoot them outright," Roy replied and Ed winced, having not considered that an option. "I don't know why they'd kidnap any of them other than years ago Maes had been kidnapped near Drachma and I always thought Cerulean was behind the abduction. I could never prove it." Roy refrained from mentioning Maes had been tortured. That was the last thing the brothers needed to hear.

"How are we going to find them?" Ed's expression demanded action. He glanced over to his brother who seemed to have shrunk as he worried about their friends.

"Miss Hawkeye was sick and Winry…she can take care of herself but she's not a soldier," Al said. "They could get really hurt."

Gracia flinched at that and Armstrong gently touched her shoulder.

"Riza will do anything she can to get free. They all would and it's worse than you know," Roy said, deciding they deserved as much truth as he could give them. "Riza's not sick. She's pregnant. She might not be in any condition to assist in the escape as sick as this has been making her."

The room hushed as shocked eyes fastened onto him. No one spoke for a moment then Edward said, "_What_ did you do?" Al jostled him.

"Oh, Roy." Gracia tossed her arms around him.

He embraced her back. Roy almost didn't want to hold her, afraid he might shatter here.

"Boss, you'll get her back," Havoc said with a tone of total conviction.

"We will," Armstrong said.

Roy let go of Garcia, nodding. "Tell us what Investigations has come up with, Armstrong, and we'll go from there." Roy hoped he sounded confident as he looked at the brothers and their silent companions who wore such grim looks that he did feel assured he would have their support in any rescue efforts. He couldn't let the boys lose hope. _He _couldn't lose it. If they did, their loved ones were dead.


	7. Held Prisoner

WARNING – This chapter contains graphic violence and themes of rape.

Chapter Seven

Riza felt miserably cold and thoroughly battered when she finally came to. Curling a hand protectively over her belly even before she opened her eyes, she was shocked to feel skin on skin. Riza pried her heavy lids open to discover she was naked and that her hands were handcuffed together. Not only had she been striped bare, but so were the other two occupants of the room, a lanky man and poor Winry. The only source of light was through the door that had a small window with thick, mesh-reinforced glass. Along one wall a couple of cushions sat and she wondered if those were for their captors to sit on and watch them. There appeared to be nothing hard or anything that could be remotely weaponized in the room.

Getting to her feet awkwardly – handcuffs were amazingly inconvenient – Riza left the tatty mat she had been tossed onto. She felt glad that her feet weren't bound as well, not that she knew where she'd run off to. The sharpshooter staggered over to Winry to check on the girl. She seemed to be unconscious still but didn't seem to Riza to be in any danger of dying from her injuries.

The man's head jerked up, his yellow eyes squinting at her. Riza studied the redhead, trying to figure out why he looked so familiar and why he was important enough to kidnap. "You're the Julien Mustang kept running around to help, aren't you?" she asked, too angry to be embarrassed that they were all naked. She stumbled over to him.

"Sorry you got dragged into this. You have no idea how sorry."

Riza didn't know the accent but the voice had a familiar cadence. Her eyes flicked to the scars on the man's torso; red, puckered, they weren't more than a few months old then it clicked in her mind. "Oh my…Hughes?"

He nodded regretfully. "Sorry, Riza. I really am."

"Why didn't Roy say anything to me?" Her legs went so weak she thought she was going to fall.

"I asked him not to. I was afraid something like this would happen." He glanced in Winry's direction. "Is Winry all right?"

"I think so." Riza looked over at the girl to reassure herself of that then swiveled her gaze back to him. She awkwardly touched his arm with her handcuffed hands, trying to convince herself he was real and not some figment of her imagination. "It's so good to see you, Maes."

"Wish you were seeing a little less of me," he replied wryly and Riza flushed. "How are you feeling?" At her confused look, Maes added. "I know, Riza…Roy told me." His gaze cut down towards her belly.

"I'm not surprised." Riza wished she didn't fear for her safety so much just now. She didn't feel like herself but she knew her hormones were making her baby her priority and that might get them all killed.

"I never meant for you to get caught up in this. You should be somewhere being happy," Maes said, regret coloring every word.

"We had decided I'd resign," she whispered, closing her eyes against her pain.

"I'm so sorry, Riza." Maes' words barely rose above a whisper.

"This is not your fault." She rattled her handcuffs, tugging on them, trying to slip free. "Who is behind this? Kimblee? Do you know?"

Maes shook his head. "No, he's part of it but I think Roy's been right all these years. I think that it's the Cerulean Alchemist behind all of this."

"But why?" The words were little more than curdled frustration and fury.

"I think the shapeshifter that was sent to kill me had something to do with this as well. Homunculi…I don't think we should say more. We don't know who's listening," Maes said uneasily, his eyes cutting from the door to an air vent so small even Winry wasn't likely to get further than her elbow up into it.

Riza nodded and sat back down next to Winry. She wanted to stroke the unconscious girl's hair but the cuffs wouldn't allow for it. "This isn't going to end well."

"It…" Maes trailed off before he could make a hollow promise that it would all work out. "Roy will not stop and he won't be alone."

She shuddered, wanting to rub her bare arms to warm up but the cuffs wouldn't allow for that. Riza knew Maes was right and she knew he feared the same thing she did. Without their stabilizing effects, Roy might do something wild, impulsive, dangerous. Worse, she knew that the brothers would be involved if Roy could find them. She wasn't sure Al was experienced enough to handle both Roy and Ed once their tempers and protective natures were up. No, she was afraid this wasn't going to end well.

A soft moan got both her and Maes' attention. Riza looked down at the girl she sat beside and saw Winry was waking up. "Shh, rest easy, Winry," she said, hoping she sounded comforting.

Pain danced over the girl's face as Winry moaned again. She tried to put her hands to her head, the handcuffs smacking into her face. Winry's eyes snapped open and winced shut again. "What happened?"

"We've been taken prisoner," Riza explained as gently as she could. "Were not sure by whom."

"Why?" Winrys eyes finally opened and the girl struggled to sit up.

"Probably because of me," Hughes said, bitterness hardening the lines around his mouth.

Winry jerked at the sound of the man's voice. She stared at Hughes, her eyes huge. "Were naked," she whispered to Riza.

"They probably didn't want to risk us escaping." Riza decided against telling the girl that this was how psychological torture began. Winry would find out on her own all too soon.

"I dont understand," Winry shifted, trying to hide herself a little behind Riza. The girl's face would make rubies envious.

"You just got unlucky. Its a military...well, I dont know what to call it. They wanted me and Hughes." Riza nodded towards Hughes who seemed to be studying the door, looking for a way out.

"But …it was you on the street. I thought it was but I didn't know how it could be." Winry glanced over at Hughes.

Hughes' face softened and he managed a smile for her. "I got lucky that time." He hid a flash of worry. "Now, we have to wait on our friends to get us out of here if we cant do it ourselves."

"Suggestions?" Riza asked.

"Lets think on it."

Riza knew that meant, no, he had no suggestions at all but she trusted in Maes ability to think things through. He was one of the smartest men she knew and Mustang liked to collect intelligence. They still had a chance.

X X X

"Do you think this is going to help?" Ed shoved at the paperwork on the table. "We should be out there doing something helping Armstrong."

Roy's eyes canted up from the report he had in hand. "I have to ask you boys something. Will you trust my judgment and follow my lead?" he asked, ignoring Ed's tirade.

"Of course, sir. Why would you ask?" Al asked as Ed's eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"And if I ask you to step aside, will you?" Roy went on, fixing the pair with his gaze

"I don't understand," Al said, though his tone suggested he understood all too well and wanted to be told he was wrong.

"I do. You'll kill the kidnappers, won't you?" Ed asked softly.

"If I have to," Roy replied evenly. "I don't want you boys to become killers. If it's necessary…there is plenty of blood on my hands." The alchemist gazed thoughtfully at his hand as thumb and finger danced slowly over one another. "More won't hurt."

"But…"Al sputtered.

Ed put his hand on his brother's metal arm, the expression on his face a study in pure misery. "I don't like it."

"I take no joy in killing," Roy said softly.

Al rattled as his large head dipped. Ed scowled. "No, I didn't think you did. We won't be in your way if it comes to that."

The sounds of the front door banging open startled them all. Armstrong strode into the room.

"Tell me good news," Roy demanded, reading the large man's face. He thought he saw hope there.

"We think we might have an idea where they're keeping the hostages," Armstrong replied, his tone guarded and so unlike his usual self.

"Where?" Roy asked at the same time Ed cried, "Take me there!" Al caught hold of his brother's shoulders as Ed got up.

Armstrong regarded Ed sympathetically.

"We need a plan, Edward," Roy said. "If we go there without one and mess it up, we won't get another chance. They'll die." Roy wondered if the sound of armor clanking came from Alphonse shaking or Edward rattling under his brother's hands. Roy looked at his compatriots. "That is why we have to do this smart and I'm confident we can do that. There is not a dumb person here. I don't want Riza, Maes or Miss Rockbell to be hurt any more than you do."

"Then let's do it," Ed growled, pulling free of Alphonse and throwing himself into his chair.

XXX

Riza hadn't thought she could have drifted off to sleep, not in this situation, but she had. She jerked awake, her eyes cutting to the door. Next to her, she could hear Maes moving. Winry made a soft sound of distress. Riza went to reach out for her, forgetting the hand cuffs until they bit sharply at her wrists. She cast about for what had awoken her and saw Kimblee and Regiene coming through the door.

"The smell of helplessness is nearly intoxicating, isn't it Kimblee?" Cerulean eyed the prisoners.

Kimblee made a noncommittally noise. "I think it's dangerous keeping them here," he replied pragmatically.

"Don't worry. It won't be for long. Mustang should be getting the ultimatum soon and then we won't need them any more." Cerulean cast a glance at her prisoners, hoping to see fear. Only Winry indulged her. "Until then we can play with them as long as we see fit." Cerulean smiled and Kimblee echoed it.

"However shall I occupy my time?" Kimblee sauntered over, touching Winry's chin. She flinched.

"Stay away from her," Maes growled, trying to head butt Kimblee's leg.

"Behave," Cerulean scolded, yanking Maes back by the hair. "Or you'll see what I can do with water." She stroked the silver array she wore around her neck.

Maes' body stiffened, a groan dribbling out of his mouth. The groan quickly morphed to a scream. Riza tried to puzzle out how she could help when their captors had taken some many steps to make them all helpless.

"I can crystallize it within you or drain it out of you," Cerulean went on over Maes' wail.

"Stop it! You're hurting him," Winry cried, reaching out to Maes, her cuffs rattling.

"That, dear girl, is the whole point." Cerulean favored Winry with a sickly smile but she let Maes go. He curled up, shaking hard. Regiene crossed over to Winry. "You're only alive for our amusement."

"Leave her out of this. She's not military. She has nothing to do with it," Riza said sharply.

"On the contrary." Kimblee stood in front of Riza. "She's important to Fullmetal and he's no less dangerous than Flame. No, I think we'll be holding onto her for a while. Speaking of holding and Flame, I bet he does a lot of holding a pretty thing like you." Kimblee caressed Riza's cheek. She turned her head, snapping after his fingers. Kimblee slapped her. "Do you want to see what I can do with a touch?"

"I know what you can do." Riza refused to show any fear. She knew that eventually when he tired of her, Kimblee would kill her. In the meantime, she wouldn't give him what he wanted.

"Let's see what Flame finds so fascinating about you." Kimblee grabbed Riza's arm, dragging her kicking to the far corner.

"Leave her alone," Winry cried, struggling to stand.

Cerulean grabbed the young girl's arm. "Do you want to feel what had Hughes howling?" Winry grunted as the alchemist started messing with her water balances. "The body is ninety percent water. Would you like to know what would happen to you if I took it all out?" She squatted down, leering into Winry's face. The girl tried to stay tough but she couldn't help quailing just a bit.

Maes kicked Cerulean, sending her sprawling. Snarling, Cerulean shook her head and picked herself up. She loomed back over him. "Do you want to die?"

"Your boss isn't going to let you kill us, at least not yet or we'd be dead," Maes sneered.

"Don't be so sure. We might just like playing with our kills," she shot back and Winry caught her breath. In spite of her bluster, Cerulean left them alone.

"Mr. Hughes, we have to help," Winry started to say but Maes shook his head sharply. She looked into his blood shot eyes, saw the cracked lips and flaking skin left by Cerulean's tinkering with him.

Maes' eyes cut over to Riza, wishing he could help her but there was no way any of them stood a chance naked and bound against two State Alchemists. He turned his head away from where Kimblee was on top of Riza. Winry followed his gaze, whimpering. Maes looped his arms over her head, cuffs and all, pulling her closer. "Don't look," he whispered. "Don't look."

X X X

Kimblee and Cerulean sat along the wall on the cushions, not even looking at their captives. Kimblee still appeared a little winded from his exertions, his long hair sticking to his sweaty neck. Cerulean looked disgusted with him.

"Guess it's about time I go deliver that ultimatum to Mustang," Kimblee said. "Might want to add a little personal note about how sweet his girl is." He tossed a leer Riza's way but she didn't even look at him.

"Pig." Cerulean snarled. She got up and sauntered over to Riza. "Want to add a little personal note of your own, dearie? Looked like you might fancy Kimblee." Riza found the strength to kick Regiene in the leg. The alchemist cried out, then grabbed hold of Riza, her other hand brushing over her array necklace. "Well then what do we have here?" she all but purred as she started shifting water inside of Riza. "Zolf, our feisty little prisoner seems to be pregnant."

"Somehow I think the last thing we need is another Mustang," Kimblee retorted.

"My thoughts exactly," Regiene concentrated her energies and Riza shrieked, her wrists struggling hard against her bonds, blood leaking out from around them. Maes screamed an obscenity, trying to get up. He struggled to disengage from Winry.

Kimblee bowled him over, knocking Winry over as well. Kimblee caught hold of Winry. "Be good, Hughes, or the little girl goes boom." The alchemist turned to Cerulean, shoving Winry into Maes. "I'll leave you to make her sing, Cerulean. I'd better get going or else this note will be a little late," Kimblee said, sailing out the door.

"Stop it," Winry cried but her words had no power.

Maes tried to get back up and Winry helped shoulder him onto his feet. Cerulean, so intent on manipulating Riza's body that she didn't notice him coming at her. Maes kicked her hard in the gut, nearly unbalancing himself, knocking her aside. His belly lurched, seeing a dark redness creeping down Riza's thighs.

"You're going to pay for that. They might want you alive but they didn't say anything about whole," Regiene growled, holding her stomach.

Maes braced to receive another taste of her alchemy then got knocked off his feet as something shook the earth. Another tremor followed fast on the heels of the first strike.

"What the hell was what?" Regiene grumbled.

Maes recognized the sound from the battlefields of Ishbal. The ghost of a smile played on his face. "Your doom."

Regiene shot him a hateful look then left the room.

"Mr. Hughes," Winry said, managing to get up. "What's happening?"

He nodded for Winry to come his way. "Sit with Riza, Winry. Stay with her."

"That noise," Winry whispered, shuddering.

"Armstrong," Riza mumbled, startling her. Winry had thought the lieutenant was unconscious.

Maes nodded. "I remember tremors like these from Ishbal. It's going to end now."

Winry let out a little sob of relief, not considering that their captors might kill them rather than let them be rescued. Her bound hands managed to find Riza's. From the paleness of Riza's skin, Winry knew the older woman was in trouble. Winry couldn't keep in a scream as the wall cracked and parts of it came tumbling down.

Armstrong's head and broad shoulder poked through the hole. "They're here, sir." With another blow, Armstrong had the hole big enough to get through. Ed shoved past Armstrong's bulk. If anyone else was with them, Armstrong blocked them from view. Winry couldn't find her voice when Ed's gaze fell on her naked body. Swimming under his stunned expression was pain and confusion. Armstrong's face darkened. Finally, Winry blurted out, "Help Miss Hawkeye. They hurt her and the baby really bad."

Armstrong swept into the room and scooped Riza up. "I have her, Colonel." He turned to hustle Riza out of the room.

Al brushed past Ed who seemed frozen. Galvanized, Ed rushed in and helped his brother to pick up Winry. She let go of her control, slipping her arms around Al's broad torso and weeping against his cold, hollow chest. Ed caught hold of her hand, unable to let go.

Maes had found his feet once more and he limped out. Breda and Falman helped him over the rubble. He saw Roy hovering near Riza who rested on a gurney outside of the ambulance the rescue team had the forethought to bring with them. "Roy, Regiene ran off just as Armstrong's attacks began. She's not in uniform. She's wearing black pants and a dark green shirt. Kimblee left only a few minutes before, wearing a light grey suit. Get out the word. They might not have had time to get away."

"Oh, why even bother to escape at all, not when I have the ability to kill you all," Regiene said. "To hell with keeping you alive." Hand over a fire hydrant, Regiene cracked it open. Water poured forth, flooding the street, shaping into large mallets intent on battering them with alchemy-shaped weapons.

"No way!" Ed clapped his hands forming a wall between them and the water. Unfortunately it sloshed around his barrier.

Settling Riza into the waiting ambulance, Armstrong slammed a fist into the street, knocking down Regiene, along with Ed and his wall and nearly took out Al as well as he tried to get Winry into the ambulance. The boy put Winry in the hands of the paramedics.

"It'll take more than that to handle me, you bald idiot." Regiene sent a watery fist crashing into Armstrong, knocking him back onto the side walk.


	8. Recovery

Chapter Eight

Ed sat next to the bed, feeling horrible. He couldn't even look at Winry, laying in the hospital bed. He had nearly gotten her killed. Even Al was strangely silent, as if he, too, felt guilt crushing down on him. Ed winced when Winry drew in a shuddering breath and sobbed.

Ed trembled, knowing he'd made her cry again. "I'm sorry," he whispered, unable to meet her eyes. Ed hated this. Winry should not be in a hospital bed. That was his place. She always came to see him when he got hurt. He should not be witness to her being injured since Winry should never i be /i injured. This was wrong.

"Not your fault." She sniffed.

Al waved at Ed as if he understood better than his brother what Winry needed. Ed got up and sat on the edge of the bed. For once he let himself act on emotion with Winry without thinking. Tentatively he held out his arms and Winry crushed herself to him. She buried her wet face against the crook of his neck. Ed squeezed her tightly. "I'm so sorry. I got you caught up in this." Each word had to fight its way out, his throat that closed off from the swell of emotion.

"You didn't, Ed," Winry replied, her words muffled against his skin. "They were after Mr. Hughes. And I don't blame him either. Is he okay?"

"Yes, Winry," Al said quickly, desperate to give her a measure of comfort. "He's here. So is Lieutenant Hawkeye."

"They hurt her." Winry's body quaked so hard Ed almost lost his grip on her. "He raped her," she rasped out."

Ed couldn't talk, his mouth impossibly dry. He heard Al shaking. Ed couldn't imagine the horrible thing Kimblee had done. Rape had never crossed Ed's mind and then something occurred to him, the image in his mind hurting like a knife wound. "Winry, he didn't…" Ed shivered, unable to make his mouth work. "Did he?"

"He didn't touch me." Winry rubbed her eyes. "He might have. Riza made sure that he concentrated on her." Her voice broke, unable to deal with what could have happened to her and what had happened. She sobbed against his chest. "She tried to protect me."

"Oh, Winry," Al said, the sadness in his voice echoing in the cramped hospital room as he reached over his brother's shoulder and stroked Winry's hair.

Ed didn't know what to do to help her. He held her as if Winry might die if he let her go.

"Winry, is there anything else we can do for you?" Al asked, thinking he saw that question in his brother's eyes but Ed just wasn't good at saying things like that. Al had always been Ed's voice.

She shook her head, her cheek rubbing against Ed. "Thank you, Al. I'll be okay."

Hearing a soft noise at the door, Ed jumped, expecting some danger to manifest itself. Instead, he saw Maes in a hospital robe, leaning on a rolling IV tree. A line ran from the crux of his elbow to the bottle of IV fluid. Behind his glasses, Maes' eyes were bloodshot and sunken, his long face cloaked in embarrassment for interrupting them.

"Sorry, I didn't want to intrude but I wanted to see how Winry was doing," Maes said, concern and frustration warring in his tone.

"I'll be okay," she said unconvincingly, waving him in.

Maes rolled closer and gave them all an apologetic look. "I'm sorry I had to lie to you all about being dead."

Letting Winry go, Ed got to his feet, his whole body trembling. He wanted to tell Maes how much it had hurt to lose him, more than the boy would ever have guessed. Maes reached over and caught Ed in a brief hug before Ed could speak then patted Al's metal back. Ed almost wished the hug had gone on longer, not that he'd ever say that.

"I'm sorry." The emotions molding Maes' face said that he meant it wholeheartedly.

"We thought we got you killed," Al whispered. "It hurt so much."

"I wanted to hurt someone for it," Ed grumbled, his fists clenching, trembling in agitation.

"It wasn't your fault," Maes said forcefully, his hands resting on Ed's shoulders.

"You don't have to be super-dad and protect us. We know the homunculi came after you," Ed said, his face screwing up in anguish as he leaned into Maes' touch.

"Because I uncovered military secrets, Edward. I put together something I shouldn't have doing my job and followed up things no one wanted me to look into, like what happened at Lab Five. I was too smart for my own good." Maes' face twisted. "I hate that you thought my 'death' was your fault." He put his arms around Ed briefly again. "You two are not to blame." He let Ed go and turned to Winry. "Are you sure you're all right, young lady?"

"I will be." Determination flashed over her face. "How is Miss Hawkeye?"

"Stable." Maes' eyes hardened. "They have her sedated now."

"Did she lose her baby?" The look in her eyes, the tone of her voice begged him to tell her 'no.'

Maes rested a hand on Winry's crown. "I'm afraid so."

"Damn it," Ed swore as Winry started crying again.

"When do you think we could see her, sir?" Al sounded very young and afraid.

Maes put a hand on Al's metal arm. "Maybe tomorrow."

"I don't want to stay here the night. It's too sad," Winry cried, trying to swing out of bed but Ed stopped her.

"We can't be sure you'll be safe at the hotel, Winry," Al said, going to guard the door. "There are guards here."

"Mustang exploded Cerulean but Kimblee got away before the rescue party got there. He could come back to finish what he started," Ed added, shuddering at the thought.

"I don't care! I don't want to stay here," Winry cried, trying to move Ed and failing.

"You don't have to," Roy's voice came from the doorway. The boys spun around to see him. "Jenna stopped to check on us. She says you can stay with her. Havoc can help keep a safe eye on you and I'll send Fuery to help." Roy came into the room, his eyes on Winry. "And I wanted to see how you were doing, Miss Rockbell."

"Better now." Winry's lower lip trembled as she gazed into his dark eyes. "I'm very sorry, sir."

"Yes, we heard." Al shook his head. "We're so very sorry."

"Tell her that for us," Ed put in.

Roy nodded weakly. "I will, thank you." He sighed, looking like he wanted to fall down and just curl up in a ball. Roy glanced at Maes. "Shouldn't you be in bed?"

"I'm mostly fine," Maes replied. "I'm doing the same thing as Winry. As soon as I'm rehydrated, I'm out of here."

"That's not a good idea." Roy's eyes went to mere slits. "Maybe Kimblee knows where you were living under cover and you certainly can't go home with Gracia and Elicia."

"I'm not." Maes draped an arm around Roy's shoulder. "You can't be alone tonight, buddy. I'll go home with you."

"What?" Roy looked up at him, shocked. The brothers and Winry wisely kept quiet.

"They won't let you spend the night here and I'm not going to let you be by yourself." Maes' expressive face screamed loudly that no arguing would be tolerated.

Roy gave a brief nod, relief engraved on his face. He seemed utterly aged by the events of the day. "Get back to your room now or they might not let you out of here."

"Okay. Good point," Maes conceded. "I'll be back later," he told the teens.

"Miss Rockbell, if you need anything, just send Edward after me," Roy offered, giving her a faint smile.

"Thank you, sir." She watched the two soldiers leave then shuddered. "This hurts so much."

Ed sat back down with her, resting a hand on her head. "I know."

Winry slipped her arms around him, tucking against him. She opted for silent comfort.

XXX

Roy sat on Riza's bed, watching her sleep. The curtains on the outside windows were drawn and Breda was watching the door so they would have privacy. Roy cradled her hand in his, thinking of all the ways he had failed her. He hadn't kept her safe. He hadn't found her in time and now their baby was dead and it was all his fault. All these bruises, the fragile look of her as she slept, this was his doing; he hadn't been good enough to keep her safe. Roy told himself the tiny shivers running through him was because it was so cold in Riza's room. He would get the nurse to give her an extra blanket even though he knew the frigid winds were inside him.

Hearing a soft moan, he focused on Riza's face, tightening his grip on her hand. "I'm right here, Riza," he whispered, his heart thundering. "They can't hurt you any more."

Slowly her eyes peeled open, blinking at him as her surroundings began to register with her. "Roy?" she asked, her words sounding dry.

"Right here." With his free hand, he stroked her hair. "You're safe now."

Riza's tongue moved over her dry, cracked lips and she seemed like she couldn't rasp out the words. Roy slid an arm under her, lifting her against him, because it was easier than getting up and cranking up the head of the bed. He grabbed a glass with a straw in it from the bed stand. She drank greedily. When she was done, he set it aside and settled Riza back down.

Roy kissed her softly then said in a ragged voice. "I'm so sorry, Riza. I let them hurt you."

Riza started to lift her arm then winced as the IV needle made itself known. "You weren't even there, Roy. It wasn't your fault."

"I didn't find you in time. I couldn't save you." Anguish harrowed into his soul.

"You got there before we died. They were going to kill us." She reached for him with her other hand.

"They can't hurt you any more, at least Cerulean can't. I killed her but Kimblee was gone before we got there." The look in Roy's eyes was vicious.

Riza's breath hitched at that then her face darkened. "Good. She killed our baby. I'm glad you finished her," she spat then covered her mouth as a sob ripped out. She held out an arm to Roy.

He gathered her against him, mindful of the IV tubing. Roy rocked her as Riza wept uncontrollably. All he could do was chant, 'I'm sorry' while trying to remain strong for her. He fought to ignore the bleeding in his own heart, refusing to cry. Finally she ran out of tears and he settled her back as gently as priceless porcelain. Roy took out his handkerchief and let her wipe his face.

"You look so exhausted, Riza. Sleep now," he said, stroking her lank hair. "I'll watch over you until they make me go."

Riza took his hand. "Promise me you won't do anything rash, Roy. Don't get yourself killed tonight."

"Maes is staying with me. I won't be going anywhere." Seeing her look and interpreting it correctly, Roy added, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Maes, Riza. He didn't want anyone to know. It wasn't a matter of trust."

"I know. Maes told me," she said wearily. "I'm glad he's not dead, Roy. I remember what burying him did to you." Riza paused then added, "You didn't know at the funeral that he was still alive, did you?"

"No." Roy remembered what he had been like that night. He had nearly hurt her. He hated thinking about it. "We can talk about it later, Riza. You should get some sleep."

She didn't protest, nodding off quickly, leaving him alone with his pain.

XXX

"Sit and I'll go get some bedding." Roy pointed to the couch.

Maes sank heavily onto it, weary to the bone. "Leave it until later. Sit down and talk to me, Roy. You haven't said anything."

Roy flopped down next to his friend. "What is there to say? I failed her and all I could do was watch her cry." The self-recriminations were loud in his voice.

"I hope you said it less harshly than that to Riza," Maes said, resting a hand on Roy's shoulder comfortingly.

Roy waved him off, wiggling way from his friend's touch. "I was strong for her. That's all I could do."

Maes nodded, saying gently, "It's okay to let her see your pain, too."

Roy steeled his jaw as his eyes glistened. "She didn't need to see me cry."

"You don't know that, Roy." Maes sighed. "We tried to stop them, Winry and me, that's how we ended up so dehydrated. Cerulean stopped us hard. Bound like we were, I didn't know where we were going to run to anyhow should we have escaped. I didn't want to give Kimblee any reason to come after us. It was bad enough what he did to Riza."

Roy's head snapped up. His eyes fastened on Maes and his friend paled under the heat of the gaze, realization setting in. "What?"

"She didn't tell you?" Maes whispered. Horror lurked in his citrine eyes.

"Tell me what?" The words snapped as from the jaws of a feral dog.

"I shouldn't." Maes shook his head, his mouth twisted

"What did he do, Maes?" Roy growled, his hand clenching around Maes' wrist.

"What do you think?" Maes' words were soft but they hit Roy like a sledge.

Roy's control shattered. He put a hand over his mouth, trying in vain to stem the loud sound, somewhere between a sob and a roar. Heedless of the tears rolling down his face, Roy kicked over the coffee table.

"Roy." Maes reached for him and Roy shoved Maes away, jumping to his feet. He stalked around the room furiously, savage cries rumbling out of him. Roy took out his fury on helpless household items while Maes managed to drag himself to his feet to guard the door in case Roy decided to make a break for it. Finally, flesh met mirrored glass.

Roy snatched his gashed hand back from the hall mirror. "Shit."

"Sit down and let me check it," Maes said patiently.

Roy did so, a petulant look on his face. Maes eyeballed the damage then stabbed a finger at Roy. "Keep your ass on that couch. I'm going to get bandages. I'm too tired and weak to chase you and if I have to call for help to handle you, well, you wouldn't want to see what Gracia will do to you if you make me strain myself."

A harsh laugh bubbled up out of Roy but the anger faded from his eyes. Maes darted into the bathroom and got some bandages. Roy was right where Maes left him when he got back.

"I will kill him," Roy muttered as Maes bandaged him up.

"I'll help you but not tonight," Maes said, his tone betraying his deep exhaustion.

"I'm tired," Roy said but Maes wasn't sure if that was merely to put him at ease or if it was the truth. "Feel like I haven't slept in days. I feel so…empty."

"Of course you do. People you love were tortured and violated. You lost your baby. No one's blaming you for being all torn up," Maes said gently, taping the dressing down.

"I can't even think about the baby," Roy said roughly, pulling away.

"Why don't you just let go of all of this and let yourself be sad," Maes suggested, rubbing Roy's shoulder.

Roy gave him a look that said, 'not in front of you.'

"You're being such a guy." Maes put his arm around Roy for a moment then let him go. "Go on, go to bed."

Roy shook his head. "You go sleep in the bed. I'll take the couch."

"I'm not putting you out of your bed."

Roy sighed. "I give you my word I'm not running out of here tonight. You don't have to guard the door." Roy saw Maes' expression and knew his friend wasn't quite convinced. "I wasn't the one held captive and tortured. Take the bed."

"All right." Maes got up. "I could use the bed right about now."

Roy watched Maes go then got up and turned out the lights after getting himself some bedding. He stretched out on the couch, turning his face into the cushions and wept.


	9. Comfort

Chapter Nine

Roy sat out in Jenna's garden, sipping tea, one of his favorite blends since he was a little boy visiting her father's house in their hometown. Upstairs, Riza slept in Jenna's guest bedroom. She hadn't wanted to stay in the hospital any more than Winry or Maes had. Letting her go home alone was out of the question. Poor Jenna, every guest room she had was filled. Winry would likely leave, though, and go to Gracia's as soon as they could convince the mechanic she wasn't putting Gracia and Elicia at risk.

Hearing a creak on the wood behind him, Roy twisted around on his seat to see Havoc rolling toward the workshop. "Should you be doing that after getting shot?" Roy asked.

"The bullet went into the leg." Havoc shrugged abortively, his hands still on his wheels. "I'm okay."

Roy got up any how and handed Havoc his tea cup. He pushed his subordinate into the workshop.

"How are you, Boss?" Havoc set the tea cup on the work bench as Roy parked him.

"Rough," Roy admitted, knowing Havoc wouldn't judge. Hell, admitting to human feelings would probably help remind the man that Roy was just a normal guy deep down.

"I'm sorry about everything, sir." Havoc looked up at Roy. "About the baby," he added softly. Havoc's eyes glistened. "I'm sorry I didn't do more when they were taking them."

Roy squeezed Havoc's shoulder. "You did enough, Jean. No one man could have stopped them."

Havoc smiled faintly. "Thanks." He reached for the herbs he was supposed to be packaging for sale. "What now?'

"Intelligence says Kimblee hightailed it out of town," Roy said, grateful for the change of topic.

"Has a sense of self preservation," Havoc growled, disgust coating every word.

"Kimblee's not an idiot. He knew what would happen if he crossed the line." Roy's voice thickened, hate in every syllable.

"He wanted to get out alive. If he crosses any of our paths..." Havoc spoke about killing as if it were a casual thing.

Roy nodded, clapping a hand on his friend's shoulder. 'I'm going to go see if she's awake."

Havoc fished for his cigarettes. "Give her my best."

"Of course."

Roy thought the house was just too quiet for all the people it housed. The silence held an almost respectful, yet mournful, feel to it. He ascended the stairs, wishing he knew what he'd say to Riza. Maes' advice about being emotionally honest rang in his mind.

When he pushed open the door, Riza sat up a little in bed, against the pillows, a book in her lap. She smiled to see him. Roy closed the door behind him and gazed at her for a moment. Suddenly the sadness was so overwhelming, he wanted to sink straight through the floor and into a sea of sorrow. He didn't know how he even got over to her side before the tears started.

Riza wrapped him up in her arms. No words were needed as hearts spoke. Finally, Roy ran dry, feeling exhausted. He disentangled himself from Riza, wishing he knew what to say. There was so many words whirling in his mind but his tongue felt frozen.

Riza's lips ghost over his wet face. "My heart feels shattered."

"I know," Roy whispered. A tumble of thoughts wracked his mind. What if she could never have more children? What if she couldn't look at him for failing her? Did she even want to marry him now that she didn't have to? Who would hold her when she had nightmares over this and he couldn't be there? "I can't make this better." His voice cracked.

"You don't have to, Roy." Riza's hands threaded through his hair. "I just need you to be here for me."

"Maes told me." Roy's throat convulsed. Even though he could see in her eyes that she knew what he was about to say, Roy said it anyhow. "What that bastard did…" Riza shuddered and Roy pulled her even closer as her tears fell. "And I will kill him for it." When the worst of her sobs died away Roy got up to pull the curtains shut and locked the door. He kicked off his shoes then slipped into bed with her.

"Stay forever," she whispered.

Roy put his arms around her. "Forever twice over." Their breath curling around each other, the lovers took solace in one another.

X X X

"Are you sure you're okay, Winry?" Al fluffed up her pillow again, shoving it behind her.

"Is there anything else we can get you?" Ed added quickly.

Winry found all the attention somehow disturbing. Maybe it was because she wasn't used to the brothers being so solicitous; Al maybe, but Ed? If she didn't know any better, Winry would think she was dying. "I'm fine, honestly. I don't have to stay in bed, you know." In reality, it was the last thing she wanted. If she were alone, Winry knew she might think about what had happened. She wanted to be with people. "What I really want is to go downstairs."

"Are you sure you're up to it?" Ed looked like he wanted to reach out to her but was under more control than he had been in the hospital."

"I really wasn't hurt that bad, bruised mostly." Her pupils dilated. "Terrified but I wasn't really hurt. I don't want to be alone. I'd rather be downstairs." Winry swung her legs out of bed. She slid free of the covers, going for the closet. Her clothes hadn't been brought to Jenna's house but the herbalist had told her, she was welcome to anything in the wardrobe.

"Winry, I think you should stay in bed," Ed said, obviously determined to be her caretaker for once.

Winry grabbed the hem of her nightgown and inched it up, not really willing to being naked in front of them but trusting they didn't know that. The boys got the idea and fled. She found them right outside her door once she had changed and they made a dual shadow behind her as she went down stairs. Winry wasn't sure what she was expecting but the emptiness of the living room wasn't it. She knew how many people were stuffed into this house and yet they all seemed to be missing. Nonetheless, she at on the couch and Ed sat with her.

"I wonder what happens next," she said softly, wanting to lean against Ed but wasn't sure if he'd accept it in his agitated state.

"They hunt down Kimblee and make him pay," Ed replied, his fist clenching. Winry didn't doubt he wanted to do that himself.

"It's a big world, Ed. He could disappear." Winry's shoulders hunched.

"Indeed he could, Miss Rockbell," Roy said, catching the conversation as he came down the stairs, tugging on his jacket's collar.

"What will you do, sir?" Al swiveled to look at the alchemist.

"We'll search, Alphonse. He can't hide forever but being a snake, Kimblee can slither out of sight for a long time." Roy's shoulders slumped. "I wish I could tell you otherwise, Miss Rockbell."

"I prefer the truth," Winry said, trying not to give Ed a pointed look but he winced as if she had. "How is Miss Hawkeye?"

"Riza's asleep," Roy glanced at the ceiling. "Doing as well as can be expected. I'm sure she'd like you to come up and see her, Miss Rockbell. Just give her a little bit of a rest."

Winry bobbled her head. "Of course."

"It looks like you're leaving," Ed said, gesturing at Roy's uniform.

"I'm meeting Armstrong. We need to back up Maes. I may not have a uniform or a job when I come back….if I come back at all. You two boys look after Riza if they put me in the stockades," Roy said with such an eerie calm it agitated the brothers. Winry went the color of soured milk.

"I don't understand, sir," Al dithered. "Why is…"

"Hughes' death was a lie," Ed replied, understanding in his gold eyes.

"A big lie and I'm going to claim it was done on my order to protest Maes and his family. Armstrong insisted on being a part of this lie. His family name might save our asses or he might go down with me for aiding desertion," Roy replied matter of factly.

"Hughes didn't desert!" Ed growled, propelling himself off the couch, nearly bowling Winry over.

"I know but the military isn't going to be quite so understanding, Edward. Our best bet is to convince them I sent him deep undercover not only for his protection but to find out who was targeting military officers. Of course, I don't have clear authority to do such a thing, which presents problems, but I think we can clear him from the worst of the trouble," Roy said, the expression in his eye not quite as hopeful as it could be.

"Damn." Ed's nose wrinkled. "You can't screw this up."

Roy smiled faintly. "He's my best friend, Edward. You can believe that I'll be doing everything in my power to save him."

They watched Mustang leave. Winry kept in a frightened sob until the door closed behind him. She covered her mouth and Ed put his arm around her shoulders.

"He might be a bastard, Winry, but he's very good at what he does," Ed said comfortingly. "He'll save Hughes."

She nodded her head, almost frantically. "I know that. It will work out," she replied, having to believe that. Winry couldn't allow herself to think negatively. She needed to feel good about something, anything. Leaning against Ed, she felt surprised when he slipped both arms around her. It helped Winry feel like there was hope.

X X X

"Don't drink so fast," Maes cautioned, sitting next to Roy in the bar. "I know you want to get drunk."

"I need to," Roy growled but he set his whiskey down. "But I need to get back to Riza more. She needs me. I have to take care of her before I take care of myself."

Maes patted Roy's back. "You need to take care of yourself, too, Roy, but yes, a good drunk will have to wait."

Roy pounded back the remainder of his whiskey then slid off his stool. "We'd better get back. Winry and the brothers were very worried that I couldn't keep you out of a military prison, or worse, executed for desertion."

Maes' face lost color. "I should have thought of that," he berated himself. "What if Gracia thinks…."

Roy nodded and they headed for home.

X X X

Jenna made a simple dinner, laying it out buffet-style in her home. She had more guests than she knew what to do with. She poured out a bowl of soup for Riza. The other guests could fend for themselves. "Jean, I'll help you in a moment," Jenna said as she went into the dining room, knowing that the counter was too high for a man in a wheelchair. She put the bowl down in front of Riza. "Roy can fix you a plate, dear."

"Thank you," Riza said listlessly. It took several minutes before everyone got their food and settled but Jenna noticed that Riza didn't look like she wanted the company. If it continued over the next few days, the herbalist had a few ideas of things to help ease the woman's suffering.

"Told you the bastard is good for something," Ed's voice jerked Jenna's attention back to the conversation. "At least he got you cleared, Hughes."

Maes snorted then spooned up some of the rich soup. "I've said it once, Edward, I'll say it again, if the old proverb about the long lives of the rude are correct, you and Roy are immortals."

"Hey, what the hell did I do?" Roy huffed and Riza nudged him, a gentle smile on her face.

"I think you're proving his point," she said then cast a glance at Winry. "Our boys," she said ruefully.

"We must be insane," the girl conceded, willfully, Jenna suspected, ignoring Edward's baffled then embarrassed expression.

"That's a term for it, Miss Rockbell," Roy said, helping himself to a piece of fork-tender roast beef. "After all that has happened, I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to leave for the peace of the country as soon as you could. The brothers would probably prefer to see you back in Resembol, but if you're not ready to go, feel free to stay. We'll handle your accommodations."

Winry glanced at Ed and Al then back to Roy. "Thank you, sir. I think I'll stay a few more days. I feel okay and I'm not sure I'm ready for the aloneness back home. I mean, Granny and my friends all have their jobs to do. So do I, I guess but, I don't want to try making automail while feeling shaky. Besides, you're all so busy, there's no one who can sit with Riza. I'd like to stay with her," Winry said and Riza smiled gratefully. "Though maybe I should move out of the Hughes' guest room, especially if you're finally coming back, sir. I'll just be in the way." Winry turned big blue eyes on Maes.

"Don't be silly, Winry," Gracia put in. "We love having you there. So does Elicia. Besides, there's plenty of room. You're not in the way."

"Gracia's right, Winry. As far as the military is concerned, I've been under deep cover so we don't have to worry about reprisals, though I do have to go back on active duty and it was strongly suggested early retirement would bring on an investigation I might not like." Hughes sighed, shooting his wife an apologetic look. "And Roy will need me to help track down Kimblee."

"He was last seen catching a train before anyone knew to stop him," Roy said, anger filtering into his voice. "He could be anywhere. I can't imagine he'd have a reason to search for you, Miss Rockbell, but you can't be too careful. We still don't know who he and Cerulean were working for, so we have a lot of work ahead of us."

"Indeed, and we can talk about it at another time instead of over dinner," Jenna cautioned with a warning look. She didn't want anyone stressed while they were trying to eat. There would be time enough for that sort of thing.

Once dinner was over, the herbalist chivvied everyone into the living room and supplied a generous amount of tea, hoping to get them talking and relaxing. Maes seemed to understand her intent – Jenna knew it wouldn't be Roy who did. Even as a child playing at her father's house he had been too serious – and the investigator started telling stories, many of them embarrassing ones centering around his and Roy's time at the academy. Winry and Al soon joined in with equally embarrassing and funny ones about Edward until as a whole, they began to let go of their pain and honest smiles and heart felt laughter filled the room. Jenna wasn't a fighter. She, like Gracia, had to watch these brave people from a distance and do what she could to support them. Content that she had done her small part, the herbalist joined in the story telling.

X X X

Roy spooned around Riza, knowing he shouldn't be here in Jenna's house. If anyone knew, he could be bringing them all down with him but at this point it seemed all too insignificant when compared to leaving his lover to fend off the long nighttime hours herself. He had been separated from her, unsure if he would ever see her again. Roy wasn't going to allow for another hour of separation like that if he could help it.

Riza turned in his arms, stretching out on her back, cradling his head on her chest. He loved her chest and even as upset as he was, that thought still flickered through his brain. Riza stroked his hair. "Roy?"

He reluctantly picked up his head from its soft cushion. "Yes?"

"You know I don't blame you, right?" A deep worry resonated in her dark amber eyes.

Roy leaned in and kissed her softly. "I know you don't and I'm trying not to blame myself."

"Don't," she breathed, her breath warm against his skin. "I don't want you to."

Roy nestled his head against her neck, reaching down to take her hand. "I'm trying. I just wish I could have caught up with Kimblee for you."

"You will or I will."

Roy looked up at the dark tone of her voice and saw that maybe he ought to let her deal with him herself. It might help.

"Roy, about us…" Her throat worked as she swallowed hard.

"Riza, we don't have to talk about this now," he said hurriedly because Roy thought he knew what was coming. She was going to not marry him.

"I know but…I think I want to go back to the way things were. You still need me more as your protector than you do your wife," she said quietly, a grim determination in her eyes even as they clouded with tears.

Roy sat up, resting against the headboard. He caressed her cheek. "That isn't true. And I didn't ask you to marry me because you were pregnant, Riza."

Riza slapped his chest lightly, the look in her eye saying he could have left that unsaid. It was understood. "I think it's what I really want, Roy. We have time. One day we will be married and we will have children but now you have dangerous work to do and you need me at your side with my gun."

Roy folded her in his arms, holding Riza tight to his chest. He dropped a kiss against her crown. "I do and I love you so very much."

"That is all I really need, Roy. Everything else is just icing," Riza murmured. "One day it will all be right."

Roy rested her back on the mattress, joining her under the covers. "Here's to one day." He kept her in his arms as she drifted off to sleep. Roy had more trouble believing in 'one day' than Riza did but for her sake he would sacrifice all that he was to give her that perfect one day.


End file.
